25
Nov
Dear Comrade Premier Panyaza Lesufi…
Congratulations on having the courage to embark on your long unofficial journey to the presidency. People say you're a populist as if that's a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be popular? I have been un...
22
Nov
A Survival Guide to Black Friday
It’s that time of year when we all turn into gibbering idiots and so-called experts take it upon themselves to advise us on the blindingly obvious.
The annual plummeting of the national...
18
Nov
Militia madness and other tales of mayhem
In South Africa, you needn't be an extremist nutjob to be anti-government. In fact, given the ANC's track record, it would be almost unpatriotic to give them your unquestioning support. But, like most...
09
Nov
Of Stalingrad, Gaza and Floyd the Fluffer
I was wondering on Monday, my thinking day, why don't we have cheaper petrol since Big Oil is making record profits? Raking in millions of dollars in the time it took me to write that sentence. Then I...
27
Oct
Enjoy Durbs not-by-the-sea
The ANC in KwaZulu-Natal says Jacob Zuma will lead its campaign ahead of next year's general election. What a good idea. Durban is like one of those burned-out racehorses who break a leg and have to b...
05
Oct
Mad Thabo: Beyond Blunderdome
So the Bluff's very own Imperator Furiosa could face charges for chasing after a bag-snatcher and mowing him down with her Tazz. That it was a woman from the Bluff doesn't surprise me. Rough area, rou...
29
Sep
Neither virgin nor active
I saw a magazine article this week suggesting now would be a good time to start getting my body “beach-ready”. Living as I do in Cape Town, there is only one way to survive this endless hellish winter...
14
Sep
Of the Rugby World Cup and other homoerotic tales
South Africans are among the heaviest drinkers in the world in terms of both body weight and quantities consumed. We’re not quite top of the log yet, but the Rugby World Cup is pushing us closer to Zi...
09
Sep
Dear Prince Mohammed bin Salman…
Congratulations on getting invited to join Brics, a grouping that was surely created with Saudi Arabia in mind. Your nation's impressive human rights record is second only to that of Cambodia during t...
01
Sep
The Secret Diary of Carl Niehaus (aged 63¼)
December 25, 2022
Happy birthday, Jesus! But more importantly, happy birthday, me! Today I am … wait, let me go fetch my calculator. Born in 1959 and today is 2022 so that makes me, um, 3981 years ol...
23
Aug
Kicking against the Brics
Since today falls in the middle of the Bric's meeting, it seemed right to send each leader a personalised message.
President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva: Bem-vindo! You will feel right at home here bec...
