22
Sep
Crush and snort the horn fiends
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By
Ben Trovato
Happy World Rhino Day.I don't know what's in worse shape – the world or the rhino. There was a time when I wanted to save the world. As a child I'd see a shooting star, or the chicken's wishbone would...
15
Sep
Single Serving
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By
One of the benefits of living on your own is that nobody is trying to force-feed you home-cooked meals every night. Sure, we don’t live as long as married men do, but that’s a good thing, right? Look ...
15
Sep
Newspapers are only good for covering up the cracks
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By
President Jacob Zuma says the South African media are so negative that at times he feels like leaving the country. Imagine emigrating to Perth to get away from the darkies and waking up one morning to...
26
Aug
Gang banging at Home Affairs
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By
I can’t get out of Cape Town because I am wrapped in an electric blanket which is plugged into a 30m extension cord. It’s the only way I can leave the bed and get to the beer in the fridge without hyp...
18
Aug
Down A Rhino – Feel Satisfied
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By
The one thing the world is not short of is good causes. This is not to be confused with good Xhosas, among whom we can count Nelson Mandela.
If you had the choice of giving money to the Nelson Mandel...
18
Aug
Winter Of My Disco Tent
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By
Only a lunatic would leave Durban to go to Cape Town on holiday at this time of year. In my defence, two hadedas have taken to roosting outside my bedroom window. I have tried to scare them off by thr...
12
Aug
Belly-Up On The Bike
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By
The eThekwini Municipality Staff Bicycle Project is a brilliant idea. It’s right up there with free dolphin-assisted births at Sea World for employees over forty. Expectant mothers could cycle to the ...
04
Aug
An Endless Cycle
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By
My mother always said I was hopeless with money. The criticism started when I got my first weekly allowance – all of fifty cents – and lost it minutes later on my way to the shop. It stopped when she ...
28
Jul
Tie A Tourniquet On Time
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By
I have noticed a burgeoning fascination with youth that turns my stomach.
Look at the fuss made over that mewling whelp spawned in London this week. Now that the cossetted little prince is five days ...
19
Jan
My brief career as an Agony Aunt
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By
I had forgotten that I was an Agony Aunt called Sis Beatrice several years ago. Here are some of the letters I responded to.
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Dear Sis Beatrice,
My neighbour...
10
Nov
Dear Boss of Eskom
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By
One from the archives – a letter I wrote to Eskom almost 10 years ago to the day.
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This is the fourth time I am writing this letter to you. The first three times y...