Here’s To Alcohol: The cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems
Instead of trying to find a cure for Aids, medical researchers should rather concentrate on finding a cure for hangovers.
Sure, most hangovers won’t kill you, but more of us suffer from them. And whe...
An Open Letter to President Jacob Zuma
Dear Msholozi,
I am a huge fan of yours and an even bigger supporter of the ANC, that glorious revolutionary movement to which I would dearly love to belong. Since you are the party’s number one memb...
An Open Letter to Angie Motshekga, Minister of Basic Education
Dear Comrade Angie,
Well done on getting the league to nominate Jacob Zuma for a second term as coxswain of the national gravy boat. Without him leading from the stern for another five years, the goo...
The Whine Route
I stand in solidarity with the striking grape-pickers of the Western Cape because I, too, was once a picker of grapes. Not here, of course. Our wine farms would never hire white pickers, especially no...
JuJu O’Lantern Will Scare The Bejeezus Out Of Anyone
It is Halloween this Wednesday and I, for one, cannot wait to put on my succubus suit and go creeping around the neighbourhood late at night banging on doors, shouting: “Trick or treat!”
The real sp...
Crime Me A River
I went to a braai on Friday night. It was either that or give heroin a try. The house was full of normal people with normal faces and normal jobs. I should have gone with the heroin.
Braais aren't wh...
An Open Letter to Julius Malema – Washer-in-Chief of Filthy Lucre
Dear Julius,
What's happening, old boy? Seems as if you have landed yourself in another frightful mess. The hounds of hell are hot on your heels and you don't appear to be in any shape to outrun them...
Spanking The Olympic Monkey
“The South African nation is today filled with pride and joy,” decreed presidential spokesman Mac Maharaj on Tuesday.
This was astounding news. The nation is usually filled with anger, resentment, r...
Happiness Is A Warm Molotov Cocktail
I was saddened to read this week that we are one of the ten unhappiest countries in the world. What the hell is wrong with us?
Looking around, reading the papers and listening to people talk, I woul...
Trovato In National Honours Outrage
This is the fourth consecutive year in which I have neither killed nor raped anyone. I have refrained from hijacking cars and taking hostages. I have paid my taxes and some of my traffic fines. I cont...