Warning: This post contains nuts

8 Comments

Dear Principal of Herzlia Middle School in Cape Town,

Forgive me if I have your title wrong. I imagine you are called something far more illustrious than Principal. The Ku Klux Klan, for instance, have fabulous titles. You have to admit that Grand Wizard sounds a lot more powerful than Chief Rabbi. I suppose titles don’t really matter, although it is weird that you both claim to be God’s chosen people.

Anyway. Let us not get bogged down quibbling about who the Lord loves the most. I am writing to congratulate you on taking action against those two grade nine pupils who knelt in protest during the playing of Hatikvah, the Israeli national anthem, in a graduation ceremony last week.

As we all know, this “taking a knee” business was started by black American football players almost two years ago. I can’t remember what they were demanding. Vodka and crack whores at halftime, I expect. That’s the schvartzes for you.

Your latter-day Colin Kaepernicks are insurrectionists of the first order and I only hope your disciplinary action is severe enough to deter others from following in their footsteps. As Yahweh or one of his designated ghost writers said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.”

In this instance, though, they took a knee. So you take a knee. This form of retribution was popularised by the paramilitaries during the Troubles in Northern Ireland. Please. Those weren’t Troubles. What’s happening at Herzlia Middle School right now? That’s real Troubles.

I understand that the atrocity occurred when the school’s Vocal Ensemble – or, as they are known in Israel, the Reserve Orchestral Battalion – began to sing the Israeli national anthem. How dare these traitors show such disrespect for the homeland? Once you are done with the kneecapping, I urge you to conduct DNA tests on the infidels. I would be very surprised if you didn’t find traces of Gaza in both of them.

The goyim filth might argue that this is South Africa, not Israel, and that you have no right to force anyone to sing, stand or weep during the national anthem of another country. Should you be confronted with this argument, I suggest you immediately declare a six-day war. It worked in 1967 and … come to think of it, our army is so out of shape that you wouldn’t need much more than a few hours. Yours will be known as the Tuesday Afternoon War and on Wednesday the Knesset, I beg your pardon, the governing body, will announce that Herzlia Middle School is an occupied territory and the school grounds, including Devil’s Peak, are henceforth a part of Israel. Hell, why stop there? Take the entire city bowl. Drive out the junkies and the queers, the anarchists and the property developers. Put up a wall if you have to.

I believe the horror of the treacherous kneeling incident sparked an email to parents from the school’s director of education, Geoff Cohen. An email? The man is a liberal. Get rid of him at once. Whatever happened to the old Likud maxim of minimum restraint, maximum force? I suppose it might be difficult to target just two boys. Still. Thanks to people like Benjamin Netanyahu and successive American presidents, collateral damage no longer has the poor reputation it once had. Then again, you bomb the school, what are you left with?

Geoff Cohen told parents that kneeling during an event of this nature was “inappropriate” and “demonstrated deliberate and flagrant disregard for the ethos of the school”. This man, Cohen. Have you had him checked out? Try to get some of his DNA. A true Israeli would not use pacifist words like “inappropriate”. Here, I am thinking of Israel’s heroic defence minister Avigdor Lieberman, who resigned a few hours ago because the cabinet voted for a ceasefire after only two days of bombing Gaza. He said this was tantamount to “surrendering to terror”.

I implore you, sir, to not surrender to terror. It starts with taking a knee and ends with goys wandering onto the school grounds and blowing themselves up. Please note that goys is not a typo. Some of my best friends are gay and Jewish and are quite happy to blow almost anything except up.

Cohen accused your two renegades of “blatantly flouting Herzlia’s Zionist values and the values of Herzlia’s menschlichkeit pillar”. I know not of this pillar. It has the ring of a German word. Please be assured that I have no German friends. I did have sex with a German woman once but if you had to see a picture of her, you would understand and forgive me.

That backsliding Cohen fellow wrote in his email that while pupils were allowed to take a view not aligned with the ideology of the school, they needed to choose the time, place and manner in which to express their views. The place and time was obviously the siege of Jerusalem in 1099 and the manner was … I don’t know. Slingshots were popular back then. As they are today among the Palestinians who, for religious reasons, refuse to use fighter jets, tanks and automatic weapons to secure their freedom.

I read a report quoting someone called Daniel Linde, a lawyer with something called the Equal Education Law Centre. He said that he had “much admiration for the Herzlia pupils who had bravely knelt during the the singing of Hatikvah at prize giving”.

This is outrageous. Who is this heathen? I know that Daniel was a Jewish lad who went into a lion’s den. I can’t remember why he did that. It doesn’t seem very sensible. But Linde? That is obviously derived from the original Lintfullah-Shihab-al-Din-Rahman. Like Trump who changed his name from Dumpfuk when his parents emigrated to America.

I see on your website that your school is aimed at providing a “Jewish and secular education to the Jewish youth of Cape Town, regardless of religious affiliation”. I read that sentence several times and have now started drinking heavily in the hope that it will eventually make sense. It hasn’t and I am now quite drunk.

Your wobsite also … no, that’s not right. I don’t know what is a wobsite. Your website, though, also says this: “As a leader in academic excellence and child development, we understand that this is the age for experimentation, creativity and exploration.” Noble concepts, indeed. Just make sure the treacherous little fuckers don’t stray beyond the borders of the sole and authentic kingdom of Zion.

 

8 thoughts on “Warning: This post contains nuts”

  1. Benjamin Sukhba

    In 2005 Israel withdrew from Gaza.

    Hamas has since been the controlling government in Gaza.

    Here are some nuggets from the Hamas charter.

    “Our struggle against the Jews is very great and very serious. It needs all sincere efforts.

    The Movement is but one squadron that should be supported by more and more squadrons from this vast Arab and Islamic world, until the enemy is vanquished and Allah’s victory is realised

    Israel will exist and will continue to exist until Islam will obliterate it, just as it obliterated others before it” (The Martyr, Imam Hassan al-Banna, of blessed memory)

    The Islamic Resistance Movement is a distinguished Palestinian movement, whose allegiance is to Allah, and whose way of life is Islam. It strives to raise the banner of Allah over every inch of Palestine,

    “The Day of Judgement will not come about until Moslems fight the Jews (killing the Jews), when the Jew will hide behind stones and trees. The stones and trees will say O Moslems, O Abdulla, there is a Jew behind me, come and kill him. Only the Gharkad tree, (evidently a certain kind of tree) would not do that because it is one of the trees of the Jews.” (related by al -Bukhari and Moslem)

    There is no solution for the Palestinian question except through Jihad. Initiatives, proposals and international conferences are all a waste of time”

    Since taking power, Hamas have misappropriated the resources given to the people of Gaza to further these aims.

    I feel a sense of loss as I have been a genuine fan of yours for many years. But thank you for showing us your true colours. Alcohol has a way of bringing out people’s hidden beliefs. Just ask Mel Gibson. I am sure you two would have a lot to talk about.

    Reply
    • Ben Trovato

      Speaking of Mel Gibson, here’s a column I wrote in 2006. Thought you might enjoy it.
      ……..
      I wish I had been the one to stumble across a lasting solution to the crisis in the Middle East. Instead, that singular honour goes to Mel Gibson. I expect he will be next in line for the Nobel peace prize. Damn Aussies beat us at everything.
      The breakthrough came during the early hours of the morning. Mad Mel was barrelling down the Pacific Coast Highway in his sports car when he was pulled over by one of the Illuminati’s foot soldiers.
      Most cops would have asked him for his autograph. But not this one. In the shards of chipped granite that Deputy James Mee has for eyes, people like Sergeant Martin Riggs of Hollywood are nuthin’ but hard-drinking emotionally unstable lowlife scum who deserve no mercy.
      “But Deputy, that was just a role! I’m not really Sergeant …”
      “Shut your lyin’ mouth and step away from the vehicle!”
      Mel was more than happy to put some distance between himself and his stupid little Lexus, which had been pulling to the left ever since he bought it. The whole point of having a flashy new car is that you can let go of the wheel on a long, straight road and drink with both hands.
      Separating Mel from his bottle of Jose Cuervo Especial was another altogether more serious matter.
      Who among us do not remember the devastating tequila shortage of 2001? It is something that stays with me to this day. At the time, agents of the new world order said the tragedy was the result of some obscure disease that had spread through Mexico’s blue agave. But it was not. It was biological warfare. And who was behind it? The Jews, that’s who.
      It was all too much for Mel’s Catholic sensibilities. First they cheated him out of his Oscar for Lethal Weapon. Now they wanted to take his tequila away. The Zionists had finally overstepped the mark.
      After trying in vain to get his bottle back, he lay down rather unexpectedly in the middle of the road and informed the arresting officer that the Jews were a war-mongering tribe who had caused nothing but trouble ever since they appeared on the scene. If Californian cops were anything like South African cops, we would never have known what dark and dangerous words Mel uttered on that highway to hell.
      All we would have known was that Mel was 0.12 over a 0.08 legal limit. This is singularly unimpressive. Catholics in wine-loving South Africa regularly leave communion with a blood-alcohol level higher than 0.12. And Mel claims to go to mass every day, so no excuses there.
      No film star wants to be arrested after a wild and reckless night on the town only to be faced with headlines like: “Top actor bust driving tipsy”. Mel knew that he had to do something to divert attention away from his girlish inability to hold his booze. He could have grabbed the officer by the throat and shouted: “When will Bhutan be free of those belligerent Maoist Assamese separatists?” But that wouldn’t have been enough. The next day, people still would have said: “0.12? That’s not enough to get a flea drunk!”
      So Mel ingeniously blamed the Jews for starting all the wars in the world. The Jewish cop swiftly snapped the cuffs on him and tossed him into the back of the van. Driving drunk is one thing. Insulting God’s chosen people is another.
      Almost immediately, Jewish groups around the world stopped issuing statements defending Israel’s right to decimate Lebanon, and instead issued statements condemning Mel Gibson’s statements.
      By the time Mel was back on the street nursing his pathetic excuse for a hangover, everybody had forgotten about the drunk-driving charge. All that was left was for him to apologise and ask for a meeting with Jewish leaders “to discern the appropriate path for healing”.
      Checking himself in to rehab, he told reporters: “Alcohol made me do it. Some of my best friends are Jewish. Honest.”
      And there we have the solution to the Middle East conflict. Cut the supply of liquor into Beirut and the West Bank. Get Hezbollah and Hamas back on the wagon. Take their tequila away and, like Mel, they, too, will see the error of their ways.
      Now that we can look forward to a new, alcohol-free, anti-anti-Semitic Mel Gibson, there is already talk that his next film will be titled The Passion Fruit of Christ.

      Reply
  2. Lance Katz

    If this blog piece weren’t anti-Semitic it might actually be funny. It takes a genius like Trovato to shrowd his anti-Semitism in layers of irony and humour. No doubt that will be his defense: “I was only joking. Have a sense of humour. Didn’t you understand the irony?”

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.