Skeletons in the closet
Dear Comrade Edna Molewa, Minister of Environmental Affairs, Apex Predator of the Civil Service, Trader of Bones and Nemesis of Big Cats Everywhere.
Well done on your decision to allow fifteen hundred...
Can I help you? And other loaded questions
In the 1700s, when I was just a young cabin boy, ships going into battle flew the flag of their country. However, some would fly a flag from a different country so as to trick the enemy into thinking ...
The odds of dying …
I've been told that I have a 12.7% chance of having a stroke or heart attack within the next ten years. This wasn't, as you might think, shouted at me by an embittered ex-wife or someone I cut off in ...
The buck stops here
"New study confirms four distinct giraffe species, unlocking crucial insights for conservation efforts" — this headline reminded me of a giraffe story I wrote a while ago.
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Aviation for the nation
The naming of airports is a difficult matter,
It isn’t just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter
When I tell you an airport must have three different names.
That's...
Daft bats, fraidy cats and expats
While Mark Zuckerberg is almost certainly the antichrist and his creation a thing of great evil, Facebook does toss up some interesting things as we snuffle about like derelict bottom feeders sifting ...
Raiding the municipal piggy bank
Our shiny new president is so far proving a much safer bet than the previous model, which was about as trustworthy as a Ford Kuga on a hot day. Jacob Zuma's tendency to burst into song rather than fla...
A Letter to Kallie Kriel, Caucasian-in-Chief of AfriForum
Hello Oom Kallie. How is it going with Oom? Is it okay with Oom if I call Oom Oom? I believe it is a mark of respect in our culture, although if someone calls me Oom I want to punch him in the mouth. ...
And with a lick of her lips, she started to strip (her moer)
Dear Mmusi Maimane, Bleeder of the Opposition.
Congratulations on finally getting rid of your mayor in Cape Town. Patricia de Lille is extremely dangerous and I'm not saying that just because she is a...
Gimme an issue …
It’s not easy, this column-writing lark.
Well, the actual writing is relatively easy. I’ve been doing it long enough not to have to pace up and down, kick the furniture and scream into the night every...
Run, Caster, Run
Imagine a brain surgeon so good at what he does that people would rather die than take their brains elsewhere to be repaired. Imagine he was in such demand that all the other brain surgeons were force...
Send the exorcists to Canberra
Oi! Yeah, you. Australia. I'm talking to you. What's your problem, mate? A travel advisory? Is this because we caught your cricket blokes cheating? Seems a bit harsh.
Our gummint reckons your advisory...