No more Mr Freebie guy…
Right, then.
Every once in a while, I get the need to shake things up. That's my five-year plan. Try to fix stuff that isn't broken. Ruin a good thing. Fill the comfort zone with pepper spray and loc...
The Secret Diary of Carl Niehaus (aged 63¼)
December 25, 2022
Happy birthday, Jesus! But more importantly, happy birthday, me! Today I am … wait, let me go fetch my calculator. Born in 1959 and today is 2022 so that makes me, um, 3981 years ol...
Xmas shopping for the cheapskates and the drunk
It’s that time of year when the ravening dogs of capitalism are out of the cages and straining at their leashes. Their eyes are red and wet and their foam-flecked jaws snap and slaver. Soon they will ...
Get yer Durban Poison now
That bastard pandemic interrupted the distribution of my last book, Durban Poison, but even though it's now out of print, you can still get a copy as an e-book for a ridiculous price right here: https...
A guide to surviving New Year’s Eve
Here's something I wrote in happier times, when we were still allowed to drink and go out at night.
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I have felt uncomfortable about making a huge thing out of December 3...
Trannies without fannies
Men don’t really know how to celebrate Women’s Day without running the risk of being called patronising or sexist. All we can do, really, is dress up as a woman and feel what it’s like to walk in thei...
Read it and weep (with laughter)
Right. Since we are all essentially trapped in our homes, we're going to need to find things to laugh about if we aren't going to turn on each other like rats in a cage. Making fun of each other's sho...
Pulp non-fiction – A murder story
In the perilous world of publishing, there is something called 'sales or return'. It works like this. Bookshops will order so many copies of a new title. If those get sold, they might order more.
U...
Buy buy baby
Hark, the Christmas tills do ring. The season of giving, taking, looting, stabbing and shooting is almost upon us. The Little Drummer Boy has already driven me from at least two malls.
All you can ...
Get your Durban Poison here!
I promised that my new book would be available on my website and, lo, it has come to pass. Praise be.
I'm happy to devalue your copy by scribbling something in it. If you want it inscribed to someo...
Boks, beer and a brand new book
Right. It's the day after the big win and I know how you are feeling. But you're in luck. I happen to have the perfect cure for a crushing hangover. It's my new book, Durban Poison, and it will help t...
Better than sex
Here's something to keep you going until my next book hits the shelves at the end of the year. It's available in the Contraband section on this site. You can buy it or you can have me come around to y...