Exams are done, and, for some, school’s out forever. The kids will soon be moving on. Here are some tips to help stop them from moving back in.

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Once they have graduated and their starter relationship has ended in tears, as they always do, they will try to move back home. They will tell you that it’s only for a while. Just until they find a job. They will look at you with big puppy eyes and tell you how much they’ve missed you, even though you haven’t heard from them in eight months and you barely recognise them. Also, they smell faintly of weed. And they have something on their neck. A tattoo? Love bite? Edible lubricant? You don’t want to know.

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