20
Oct
Sgt Poephol’s Lonely Hearts Club
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By
Ben Trovato
28-yr-old man seeks subservient woman who enjoys cosy nights in. Also days. Height ranges between 1.5m and 1.8m. Prefers strict routine. Will expect dinner at 3pm sharp. Sense of humour and the wearin...
11
Oct
Guns don’t kill people. Arseholes kill people.
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By
Don't get me wrong. You won't catch me hugging any bunnies, but that's largely because I'm afraid of them. It's not funny. Leporiphobia is a real thing. I don't come around to your house and laugh at ...
26
Oct
Hey Oscar, how’s the reception in Cell C?
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By
Howzit Oscar, Congratulations, boet. You’ve got to be the luckiest oke alive. Okay, maybe not the luckiest. But still. For the judge to have bought your ‘intruder’ story was a miracle on its own. And ...
24
Oct
A letter to the horn-happy hunters
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By
Dear Dawie Groenewald and your gay brother, Janneman. Sorry, Janneman. Maybe you aren’t gay. But what the hell kind of name is Janneman? It’s fucked up, that’s what it is. You got the good name, Dawie...
19
Oct
Ways to leave your lover (without going to jail)
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By
It is not uncommon for a man to find himself in a situation where he has to get rid of a wife or girlfriend at short notice. There are several ways of accomplishing this. Personally, however, I wouldn...
21
Sep
Just another bank robbery
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By
I'm good at handling money in much the same way that Oscar Pistorius is good at handling guns. But at least nobody dies as a result of my negligence. Well, I probably will, but that's my own damn faul...
26
Apr
Application to the SA Army: Training Programme
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By
Dear Madam,
I am certain you are a madam because the army would never allow a man to open the mail. However, with this new-fangled, touchy-feely, homo-friendly vibe going around, you may wel...
09
Mar
The Fear Factor
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By
Comrades, we have new things to fear.
Russia provoking world war three. The Oscar Pistorius trial dragging on for months. Protein.
Let us begin with the first. It’s the least likely to affect us dir...
12
Mar
Let’s not forget Henke, so-called father of Oscar Pistorius
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By
We hear a lot about Oscar Pistorius living with his rich uncle Arnold while on parole, but nobody talks about his father, Henke. Here's a letter I wrote to the murderer's dear old dad in 2013.
.......
24
Feb
Shootin’ From The Hip With Dead-Eye Dickhead
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By
If your husband or boyfriend goes shopping and comes home with, say, a slow cooker, you stand a chance of getting supper. If, on the other hand, he comes home with a gun, you stand a chance of getting...