The Art of the Schmooze
"Billionaire businessman Patrice Motsepe played an instrumental role in developing the government's 'strategy and tactics' ahead of President Cyril Ramaphosa's meeting with President Donald Trump." – ...
Political junkies on the warpath
I wrote this yesterday:
..............................
My advice for the South African delegation meeting with the unhinged tangerine cockwomble in Washington DC? That each of them ingest some sor...
Trump vs Ramaphosa – The Agony and the Ecstasy
My advice for the South African delegation meeting with the unhinged tangerine cockwomble in Washington DC today? That each of them ingest some sort of narcotic exactly 14 minutes before the sit-down....
Good news for pangolins – bad news for Chinese knobs
China has said it will remove Guilingji, a traditional medicine containing bits of pangolin, from its official 2025 pharmacopoeia. I don't know what a pharmacopoeia is, but I imagine it's some kind of...
Vote Ben II for the next pope
Dear Comrade Cardinals,
I love Catholics. I am about as Catholic as you can get without actually being Catholic. I almost became one a few years ago but my wife wouldn’t let me join the line for bisc...
Cyril vs Donald – A meeting from hell
A Sunday paper reported that Donald Trump has agreed to meet Cyril Ramaphosa face to face. Here's a preview of what to expect.
Ten minutes before the meeting, the two men discuss arrangements with th...
Goodbye, Mr Pope
So Pope Francis died today, possibly as a consequence of meeting JD Vance yesterday. To remember him, here's a letter I wrote a few years ago:
.............................
Dear Comrade Pope,
You...
An open letter to Mcebisi Jonas, Special Envoy to the Home of the Braindead
Dear Mcebisi,
I hear you're going to be our new man in Washington. Reward or punishment? Hard to say. Anyway, its always nice to get a lucrative side hustle, even if it is in a country that is fast t...
When Good Friday turned bad
In accordance with my annual tradition, I'm republishing a column I wrote some years ago.
.................
I was making an emergency house call on the bad yellow-eyed woman when I stumbled across a...
Application for the post of ambassador to the US
To whom it may concern:
Perhaps not the best way to start an application letter for a post in the diplomatic corps, or anywhere in government for that matter. There's a good chance no one in the civi...
Durban’s Mitchell Park – RIP
I remember going to Durban's Mitchell Park as a kid. It was fantastic. Huge trees, rolling lawns, exotic birds and animals in enclosures – even an elephant and a crocodile that never seemed to move– a...
Fear and loathing in the Drunkensberg…
I should be writing about something serious like the finance minister's latest distribution of our hard-earned money among the salivating hyenas, but I can't, because I'm trapped in the Drunkensberg. ...