Durban’s Mitchell Park – RIP
I remember going to Durban's Mitchell Park as a kid. It was fantastic. Huge trees, rolling lawns, exotic birds and animals in enclosures – even an elephant and a crocodile that never seemed to move– a...
Fear and loathing in the Drunkensberg…
I should be writing about something serious like the finance minister's latest distribution of our hard-earned money among the salivating hyenas, but I can't, because I'm trapped in the Drunkensberg. ...
Kallie Kriel – chief beneficiary of the Dunning-Kruger Effect
Here's something I wrote to AfriForum's Kallie Kriel almost seven years ago. The poor oke has been at this for a long time...
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Hello Oom Kallie. How is it going with Oom? Is it...
In the war between beer and nature, beer will always win
One from the archives....
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Why am I being badgered by bearded women demanding that I vote for Table Mountain? The last time I voted for anything was in 1994, and look where th...
Snakes and adders – A devil of a game
I caught a snake on my eleventh birthday. Not one of those scary big-ass mothers that can squeeze you to death and swallow you whole. I didn’t grow up in the Amazon jungle, even though my table manner...
Dear six-year-old kids …
I usually write to our high school “graduates” offering bad advice on how to negotiate the perils of the real world, but there’s nothing I can do for Generation D. That stands for Doomed, in case you ...
ANC’s January 8 statement leaked
Comrades and compatriots,
People of South Africa,
We gather here today in Mangaung, the cradle of our birth, inspired by … hold on, this is last year’s speech. Nobody wrote me a new one? It doesn’t ...
The buck stops here
"New study confirms four distinct giraffe species, unlocking crucial insights for conservation efforts" — this headline reminded me of a giraffe story I wrote a while ago.
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That time I went to the circus
I did something the other night that I haven’t done since I was a kid. No, not wet the bed. I went to the circus. It was set up on a nearby field and I didn’t have anything on so I drove down there, b...
Still no Jesus among Xmas babies
I like to think of this week as the year’s perineum. In 2025 we’re either going to hit the sweet spot or find ourselves even deeper in the … okay, that’s about as far as I’m going with that particular...
Things to do with the kids
School holidays should be abolished.
Our creaking infrastructure and shattered nerves can no longer withstand the blitzkrieg of semi-educated savages at the end of eve...
Jingle Hells
All that is preventing hostilities from breaking out in shopping mall parking lots across the country are the Congolese and Rwandan car guards. They have seen some terrible things, and I’m not even ta...