21
Mar
The name’s Grant … Disability Grant
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By
Ben Trovato
I was appalled to hear that our Minister of Money, Enoch Godongwana, has increased the Social Relief of Distress grant by a staggering R20. The poor already have an overweening sense of entitlement. N...
27
Jan
Surviving an election year
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By
If you're an Aquarian, it won't have escaped your notice that 2024, added up, gives you the number 8. You may already be feeling the effects. Eight, like Leos, is not to be taken lightly. Dismiss it a...
19
Jan
To the class of 2023
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By
Yes, yes, you’re all very clever. Clap, clap, clap. Well done, girls and boys. Look at you, all sparkly-eyed and smiling fit to burst, flashing your flawless teeth and carefree faces, reminding the re...
18
Jan
Dear six year olds…
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By
I usually write to our high school “graduates” offering bad advice on how to negotiate the perils of the real world, but there's nothing I can do for Generation D. That stands for Doomed, in case you ...
12
Jan
Cyril Ramaphosa’s January 8 statement leaked
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By
Comrades and compatriots,
People of South Africa,
We gather here today in Mangaung, the cradle of our birth, inspired by … hold on, this is last year's speech. Nobody wrote me a new one? It doesn't ...
04
Jan
2024 – A peachy, fuzzy kind of year
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By
Oh, man. This is not going well. I can't wait for 2025. Now, that's going to be a cracker of a year.
Perhaps I should take a closer look at this one before writing it off completely.
The United Nati...
24
Dec
What surfers want for Xmas
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By
Surfers love Christmas because they get presents and if there's one thing surfers love more than surfing, it's getting free stuff. But if you're thinking of giving us something that isn't somehow conn...
21
Dec
Shady Jake, the one-eyed trouser snake
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By
I thought I was hallucinating when I heard Jacob Zuma's uniquely soporific drone on the telly, bumbling along at his usual three words a minute and setting off polygraph machines across the country.
...
08
Dec
Politicians playing presidential Tinder
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By
Party leaders have begun shyly trying on their sexiest outfits and practising their best pick-up lines as they prepare to woo us. If they hope to become the president of South Africa next year, they'r...
01
Dec
Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
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By
I don't know where I live. No, I'm not wandering around unfamiliar neighbourhoods stopping people in the street and asking if they know who I am and where my house is. It must be said, however, that I...
25
Nov
Dear Comrade Premier Panyaza Lesufi…
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By
Congratulations on having the courage to embark on your long unofficial journey to the presidency. People say you're a populist as if that's a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be popular? I have been un...
22
Nov
A Survival Guide to Black Friday
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By
It’s that time of year when we all turn into gibbering idiots and so-called experts take it upon themselves to advise us on the blindingly obvious.
The annual plummeting of the national I...