Blog - Page 3 of 70 - BEN TROVATO

28 Apr

Taking orders from idiots

April 28, 2023
By Ben Trovato
6 comments

This is the 29th consecutive year since the advent of democracy in which I have neither murdered nor sexually assaulted anyone. I have refrained from hijacking cars and taking hostages. I have paid my...

21 Apr

Cut&Run

Bailing for warmer, brighter climes

April 21, 2023
By Ben Trovato
4 comments

Looks like I escaped from the heart of darkness just in time. Power cuts are now affecting the production of frozen French fries and it won’t be long before they run out. A country without slap chips ...

13 Apr

Cut&Run

Sharks patrol these waters

April 13, 2023
By Ben Trovato
6 comments

By the time you read this, I will be gone. No, not by my own hand. I'm too much of a coward for that. Although I did come close to death over the weekend. Surfing is among the few sports where one can...

06 Apr

Cut&Run

Stop eating junk food, you gross domestic product

April 6, 2023
By Ben Trovato
6 comments

Be careful, people. There are killers on the loose. And I don't mean the deployed cadres who enforce the ANC's cadre deployment policy, butchering the hopes and dreams of so many. I'm talking about th...

30 Mar

Cut&Run

Fake it till you make it

March 30, 2023
By Ben Trovato
4 comments

One of the things about living in South Africa is that it inures you to shock. When Cyril says he's shocked, you can be sure he is being sarcastic. I miss the days when I’d hear about some or other o...

23 Mar

Cut&Run

The shutdown that wasn’t

March 23, 2023
By Ben Trovato
10 comments

I'm writing this on Sunday afternoon, the day before the big shutdown. It's quite exciting, not knowing how things will turn out. It's like Schrödinger's Revolution. Until Monday, it's both a massive ...

22 Mar

Columns

An open letter to Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni

March 22, 2023
By Ben Trovato
6 comments

Dear President Museveni, Supreme Ruler of the Pearl of Africa, Teacher of Lessons, Father of Children, Guardian of Public Morality and Confirmed Heterosexual for Life. Congratulations on signing th...

16 Mar

Cut&Run

Judges and journos are guarding the gates

March 16, 2023
By Ben Trovato
9 comments

In some countries, the police are referred to as the “thin blue line” between civilisation and anarchy. Obviously, that doesn't apply in South Africa. For a start, given the massive girth and low IQ o...

09 Mar

Cut&Run

Of pigs, dogs and other human animals

March 9, 2023
By Ben Trovato
5 comments

Kenny Kunene, an ex-convict whose idea of a good time is to drape sushi over the bodies of naked women, called Julius Malema a “cockroach” and a “little frog”. That was a few months ago. Malema, whose...

02 Mar

Cut&Run

Application for the post of Eskom CEO

March 2, 2023
By Ben Trovato
23 comments

Dear ANC Cadre Deployment Committee, I can understand you might be reluctant to hire another white man, but let me assure you, I am no André de Ruyter. For a start, I am not as good-looking as he is....

18 Feb

Columns

How to stay alive in South Africa

February 18, 2023
By Ben Trovato
2 comments

Everything is going up, including the murder rate. But, at 74 violent deaths a day, the price of human life remains cheap. I thought now might be a good time to share a chapter from my book, Ben Trova...

16 Feb

Cut&Run

Dear Julius Malema, Supreme Commander of the Economic Freedom Fighters…

February 16, 2023
By Ben Trovato
5 comments

Congratulations on your magnificent performance in the Cape Town City Hall last week. You and your fighters looked good in your well-pressed designer overalls. Unlike the DA, who came dressed as if th...

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