18
Nov
Militia madness and other tales of mayhem
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By
Ben Trovato
In South Africa, you needn't be an extremist nutjob to be anti-government. In fact, given the ANC's track record, it would be almost unpatriotic to give them your unquestioning support. But, like most...
09
Nov
Of Stalingrad, Gaza and Floyd the Fluffer
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By
I was wondering on Monday, my thinking day, why don't we have cheaper petrol since Big Oil is making record profits? Raking in millions of dollars in the time it took me to write that sentence. Then I...
27
Oct
Enjoy Durbs not-by-the-sea
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By
The ANC in KwaZulu-Natal says Jacob Zuma will lead its campaign ahead of next year's general election. What a good idea. Durban is like one of those burned-out racehorses who break a leg and have to b...
05
Oct
Mad Thabo: Beyond Blunderdome
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By
So the Bluff's very own Imperator Furiosa could face charges for chasing after a bag-snatcher and mowing him down with her Tazz. That it was a woman from the Bluff doesn't surprise me. Rough area, rou...
29
Sep
Neither virgin nor active
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By
I saw a magazine article this week suggesting now would be a good time to start getting my body “beach-ready”. Living as I do in Cape Town, there is only one way to survive this endless hellish winter...
21
Sep
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By
Food, eh. What a ridiculous concept. We pay a fortune for it, shovel great steaming heaps into our gaping maws and then, a few hours later, it comes out the other end in a terrible state. This is how ...
14
Sep
Of the Rugby World Cup and other homoerotic tales
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By
South Africans are among the heaviest drinkers in the world in terms of both body weight and quantities consumed. We’re not quite top of the log yet, but the Rugby World Cup is pushing us closer to Zi...
09
Sep
Dear Prince Mohammed bin Salman…
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By
Congratulations on getting invited to join Brics, a grouping that was surely created with Saudi Arabia in mind. Your nation's impressive human rights record is second only to that of Cambodia during t...
01
Sep
The Secret Diary of Carl Niehaus (aged 63¼)
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By
December 25, 2022
Happy birthday, Jesus! But more importantly, happy birthday, me! Today I am … wait, let me go fetch my calculator. Born in 1959 and today is 2022 so that makes me, um, 3981 years ol...
23
Aug
Kicking against the Brics
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By
Since today falls in the middle of the Bric's meeting, it seemed right to send each leader a personalised message.
President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva: Bem-vindo! You will feel right at home here bec...
08
Aug
Of cockwombles, taxi drivers and Tinky-the-Pooh
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By
Those taxi drivers in Cape Town, man. I've never seen such selfish behaviour. They know that we white people require immediate and unobstructed access to the airport at all times of day and night. Wha...
03
Aug
An open letter to Julius Malema…
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By
Dear Julius Malema, First Marshal of the Empire and Supreme Commander of the Underclass,
Congratulations on the epic piece of revolutionary theatre you put on over the weekend at FNB Stadium. Speakin...