Twisted Koeksister
The loss of life today has been quite spectacular, even by our standards. Thousands of pigs, sheep, goats, cows and chickens fought among themselves for the honour of being the first to lay down their...
A Flashback To Mandela Day 2012
On Mandela Day, the entrance to Addington Hospital resembled the entrance to the municipal market in Maputo when a fresh shipment of cocaine arrives. The doorway was jammed with hawkers and hustlers, ...
Knysna – where the oyster is your world
Word on the street is that oysters will turn even the most frigid misandrist into a steaming nymphomaniac. I don’t believe it for a minute. A woman’s libido is boosted by being around a man who can af...
Oil discovered in giant human well
In what has been described as a “miracle of staggering proportions”, vast untapped petroleum reserves have been discovered inside Khulubuse Zuma.
The businessman, a nephew of President Jacob ...
Kruger Park To Become Las Vegas of South Africa
The Kruger National Park will soon be adding hotel accommodation to its list of attractions. SANParks says the hotels will bring more people to the park and increase revenue to pay for biodiversity pr...
A flashback to January 20, 2009
My house looks like the goddamn American embassy. Okay, so I might not have the triple-locking steel doors, bombproof windows, surveillance cameras, evacuation plan, leery staff and heavily patrolled ...
A Bitter Pill To Swallow
I may be wrong, but on the list of requirements for a better world, I would imagine that longer-lasting erections would be placed fairly low down. Somewhere between self-replacing toilet rolls and bar...
Good Health Can Kill You
As a child I was told that an apple a day would keep the doctor away. Now, low salaries and poor working conditions keep the doctor away. Far away. As in Perth. Or toyi-toying in the parking lot outsi...
A-Z of Travel in Africa
A is for Anopheles, a murderous little bastard who drinks your blood and thanks you for it by infecting you with malaria. Also for Adoption, which gives African orphans the chance to be exposed to a l...
Let’s All Drink To The Death Of A Clown
This is the first time in ten years that I haven’t had a weekly deadline for a newspaper column.
The first five were with the Cape Times, the second five with the Sunday Times. It’s very unsettling t...
An Open Letter to President Jacob Zuma
Dear Msholozi,
I hear wife #3 is demanding that SA Airlink cough up half a million rand in compensation for jewellery that was allegedly stolen out of her bag while flying from Nelspruit to Johannesb...
Airplanes, Wedding Trains and the CAR
“If you love me, you will obey my commandments – John 14:15.”
And so it is with Trovato 07:45. Or, if I oversleep, 10:30. President Jacob Zuma is also big on this parable or homily or whatever the he...