Poaching Private Rhino
"Reports received that SA #rhino poaching kingpin Hugo Ras has been sentenced to 29 years in jail today for fraud, theft & illegal possession of firearms." – Oxpeckers Center, 18 May 2021.
If t...
No woman, no slaai
The loss of life today is going to be quite spectacular, even by South African standards.
Thousands of pigs, sheep, goats, cows and chickens are right now fighting among themselves for the honour o...
Bravely entering virgin territory
I knew this assignment was going to be different the moment I got the call. “How would you like to join the King of the Zulus in ogling thirty thousand topless virgins?” I was packed in under ...
Bravely entering virgin territory
I knew this assignment was going to be different the moment I got the call. “How would you like to join the King of the Zulus in ogling thirty thousand topless virgins?” I was packed in under ...
A couple of sad anniversaries
Today, two years ago, my mom died. In the highly unlikely event that heaven exists, I hope she's out there raising hell.
And twenty-five years ago, a comrade from my Namibia days was...
A letter to God
Dear God,
Sorry to bother you while you’re on holiday. I just felt like getting some stuff off my chest. I’m sure your in-box is stuffed with requests, complaints and demands going back hundreds of y...
Avoiding the matriarchal monsoon
The Mother City is a terrible place for a man to be during Women’s Month. Whenever it rains, the gutters run pink with oestrogen and the bars fill up with jackbooted lesbians. And there are still thre...
Mother of all reviews
Incognito: A Breathless Read for All the Right Reasons
Writing vigorous material is not easy. And documenting a life from within a first person perspective can be a pit o...
Big or small – we kill ’em all
Hunters like Melissa Bachman and Kendall Jones are way braver than I am.
For a start, I wouldn’t dare go on a canned lion hunt because those lions are drugged and you don’t know what a lion on drugs ...
A blast from the past
A Letter to Eric and Donald Trump Jnr
Hey boys!
Just wanted to congratulate you on your successful hunting trip to Zimbabwe. Our papers have been full of pictures of you guys holding up dead...
Citizen Cane (& Coke)
Citizenship issues seem to be in the news lately. Here's a column I wrote in 2010. Not much has changed.
IF the ANC gets its way, which generally happens in this benevolent dictatorship of ou...
An open letter to Kendall Jones – femme fatale of the African jungle
Dear Kendall,
May I call you Kendall? Ms Jones sounds so formal. Besides, I feel like I know you. Yes, I do mean ‘know’ in the biblical sense. You look eerily similar to a dozen or so women I’ve slep...