Gimme an issue …
It’s not easy, this column-writing lark.
Well, the actual writing is relatively easy. I’ve been doing it long enough not to have to pace up and down, kick the furniture and scream into the night every...
Run, Caster, Run
Imagine a brain surgeon so good at what he does that people would rather die than take their brains elsewhere to be repaired. Imagine he was in such demand that all the other brain surgeons were force...
Send the exorcists to Canberra
Oi! Yeah, you. Australia. I'm talking to you. What's your problem, mate? A travel advisory? Is this because we caught your cricket blokes cheating? Seems a bit harsh.
Our gummint reckons your advisory...
Farmyard follies
So how about them farmers, eh?
I don't know much about them because I don't move in crop circles or have any truck with livestock, but I think it's important to get an insight into their lives. It can...
Oy vey it's the DJ
Dear DJ Black Coffee,
Shalom and congratulations on becoming a household name across South Africa. Thanks to your gig in Israel on the Easter weekend, even white people have heard of you now. To be ho...
And the banned play on
Now and then I hear of someone who has been banned from Facebook for a period of time and I try to imagine what heinous filth they must have been disseminating for such harsh action to be taken.
Were ...
Advance Australia Unfair
G'day Peter Dutton, Australian Minister of Home Affairs, Immigration & Whatever Else Takes Your Fancy.
First off, congratulations on being called the Donald Trump of Australia. That's quite an acc...
Eat my shorts, scientist tells God
The death this week of physicist Stephen Hawking sparked an avalanche of tributes, not all of which were riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. It's Stephen with a Ph. No, not Phteven. And Hawk...
Land of the free-for-all
If you look up land reform in South Africa in an atlas, you will see a picture of a Neanderthal armed with a wooden club dispersing a family of Brachiosauruses so that he might build a rudimentary sec...
An open letter to our shiny new president
Dear Comrade Cyril Ramaphosa the First, Defeater of Zuma, Shuffler of Cabinets, Player of Golf, Shaker of Hands, King of Venda Financing, Stepfather of the Nation, I hereby greet you.
I wanted to be t...
Vat cats, budgets and eejits
Patriotic South Africans are hoping that the VAT increase – the first in 25 years – will once and for all stamp out the poor. The impoverished, however, are resilient as all hell and I fear it will ta...
Throw them to the lions
I was woken by church bells last Thursday morning. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue and the birds seemed happier than usual. I could hear the sound of children laughing. It felt as if I were livi...