An open letter to Bill Gates
Dear Bill,
Please accept my heartfelt condolences. The news must have come as a terrible shock and my prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Nobody deserves to wake up in the...
Aisles of outrage
I live in the disunited states of South Africa. My own personal state is one of outrage. Yours might be anxiety or depression or quite possibly all three. I suppose there are those who live in a perma...
If you can't join them, beat them
Zulu King Goodwill Zwelithini says the problem with education today is that teachers are no longer allowed to beat the children. Speaking at a gathering of principals and school governing bodies recen...
Even the good times are bad
There was a knock on my front door on Wednesday morning. I opened it to find a matching pair of men in cheap suits standing on my Go Away mat with simulated smiles stuck on their stupid faces.
“Have ...
Blowhard vs Dotard
Dear Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of the Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea, Invincible Ninja Assassin and Grandmaster Flash of the Nuclear Holocaust,
Well done on telling that power-crazed...
Cheap lies & dumb points
So here we are, clinging to shattered shards of hope trying desperately not to get swept away in the poisonous torrents of traducement that spew from the repulsive mouths of our lords of the lies and ...
Where the buffel ous roam
Quite a few white South Africans long for a return to the past. I am one of them. However, while the past they hanker after goes back to the time of PW Botha, I'm more interested in returning to the G...
Blowing your own horns
Dear John Hume,
Congratulations on being the world's largest rhino breeder. How big are you? Are you the size of a rhino? It doesn't matter. For all I know, rhino breeders are tiny and you are simply ...
A confederacy of dunces
Dear Oberst-Gruppenpresident Trump, Commander of the Washington Militia, Grandest of Wizards und Liberator of the Persecuted White Race,
Congratulations on everything. You are a magnificent specimen o...
Give me a break
A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my father's health travails. Now it's my turn. This is what happens when you get older. I'm going to be one of those people who, upon being asked, “How are you?” wi...
Guam – some helpful holiday hints
The Pacific island paradise of Guam is lovely at this time of year. Here are a few things you can do to help make your holiday a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
For starters, don't worry that you won't...
Tuesday's Great Confidence Trick
Dear Honourable and Dishonourable ANC Members of Parliament,
So, a big day for you on Tuesday. You get to tell the nation that you have confidence in Jacob Zuma as our president. At the same time, you...