Cristiano Ronaldo vs that Christian-ou Renaldo…
Dear Bro Renaldo,
The other morning, I was in the pub with a couple of mates from the Aryan Brotherhood of Texas who came over after the elections to make sure our kind would be okay. They started ta...
On the run – again
I cannot bring myself to use the c-word or acronyms in this column. You know the ones. ANC, DA, MK, EFF, GNU. The only acronym I'm prepared to use is WTF. Aren't you all sick of it? Haven't you had en...
The Battle of Bangui and other ANC Bungles
I've just read that the defence department has been ordered by a judge to release three internal reports on the “Battle of Bangui” – the country's worst military defeat since apartheid – in which 15 S...
Fat Chicks & Free Elections
Here's something I wrote when I was still married...
…...............
Every time there is an election in South Africa, white women put on a tremendous amount of weight. Well, Brenda does, and I have...
Ashley Madison – My part in its downfall
I watched the Ashley Madison documentary on Netflix the other day and the sordid saga reminded me of a couple of pieces I wrote in 2015:
https://www.patreon.com/BenTrovato
Let’s not make the breweries any richer
https://www.patreon.com/posts/104532789
No more Mr Freebie guy…
Right, then.
Every once in a while, I get the need to shake things up. That's my five-year plan. Try to fix stuff that isn't broken. Ruin a good thing. Fill the comfort zone with pepper spray and loc...
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your … ah, fuck it
Finland is the happiest nation in the world for the seventh year running.
Imagine living in a country where everyone is happy, year after year. It would be too terrible for words. I’ve been to Finlan...
The name’s Grant … Disability Grant
I was appalled to hear that our Minister of Money, Enoch Godongwana, has increased the Social Relief of Distress grant by a staggering R20. The poor already have an overweening sense of entitlement. N...
Surviving an election year
If you're an Aquarian, it won't have escaped your notice that 2024, added up, gives you the number 8. You may already be feeling the effects. Eight, like Leos, is not to be taken lightly. Dismiss it a...
To the class of 2023
Yes, yes, you’re all very clever. Clap, clap, clap. Well done, girls and boys. Look at you, all sparkly-eyed and smiling fit to burst, flashing your flawless teeth and carefree faces, reminding the re...
Dear six year olds…
I usually write to our high school “graduates” offering bad advice on how to negotiate the perils of the real world, but there's nothing I can do for Generation D. That stands for Doomed, in case you ...