The Joys of Flying
The nightmare begins with the travel agent ignoring me for 45 minutes while she synchronises connecting flights for a young black empowerment couple’s third around the world trip
Then it’s my turn. A...
Dear Technofreak
You think you're better than me, don’t you? You think you are superior to me. I can see it in your long white face. It is reflected in your smug wire-rimmed glasses. You think you are an upgrade on th...
Poisoned by bat-faced barbarians
“What do you want for Christmas,” snapped Brenda.
“Well,” I said, “why not just stick with what you give me every year – ptomaine poisoning.”
Brenda's Christmas dinner is an impressively toxic feast i...
Dear Boss of Eskom
One from the archives – a letter I wrote to Eskom almost 10 years ago to the day.
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This is the fourth time I am writing this letter to you. The first three times y...
Dear Tom Cruise
“I’m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.”
Who said this? Was it Jeffrey Dahmer? Hannibal Lecter? No, it was you, Tom. In an interview a few months before the birth of your first biolo...
Dear Adrian Gore
I would like to get my name onto Discovery Health’s network of approved doctors.
I understand quite a few people are upset at being told that they are no longer allowed to visit the doctor of their c...
Dear 4×4 Driver
The great outdoors really was until you came along. Now it’s just the outdoors. The part that made it great ended abruptly when I was sideswiped by your forweeldrarv’s wing mirror on what I had always...
One more, then take me home bru.
Finally some good news coming from one of the basket cases that cling like diseased sucker fish to what we laughingly call our borders. SABMiller, the company we turn to in times of great joy and terr...
Dear Barman
“Two Tagel lagers and a double Jack on the rocks, please.”
“Sorry?”
“Two Tafels and a double Jack.”
“Sorry?”
“TWO TAFELS …”
And so it begins. I have just walked into your bar and already my idea ...
Dear Captain of the Golf Club
I like your title. It evokes images of strength and leadership. Of fearless officers who lead their men into battle. Of Captain Marvel, Captain America, Captain Planet.
And now, you. Captain Golf.
W...
In the war between beer and nature, beer will always win
One from the archives....
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Why am I being badgered by bearded women demanding that I vote for Table Mountain? The last time I voted for anything was in 1994, and look where th...
It’s not enough that KwaZulu-Natal motorists are stoned – they must be shot, too.
It has been said in the Pietermaritzburg Magistrate's Court that KwaZulu-Natal motorists have no respect for VIP vehicles with flashing blue lights. What the hell is wrong with these people? Are they ...