Dazed & Confused
Social media is giving me a headache. Literally.
After Brenda went mad and abandoned me last year, a loyal fan of my “work” tracked me down and insisted on comforting me in my time of need.
She comf...
Why Mickey Mouse Would Make A Better President Than Jacob Zuma
Mickey is black but he has a white face. This means he stands a good chance of being accepted across the racial spectrum.
Mickey is keenly aware of the importance of personal hygiene. For a start, yo...
An Open Letter To President Jacob Zuma
Dear Comrade Leader,
Last week I wrote to General Solly Shoke congratulating him on the army’s bold attempt to capture the Central African Republic as part of an ambitious plan to conquer Europe. I m...
An Open Letter to SA National Defence Force Chief, General Solly Shoke
Dear General,
I got quite a shock when I saw you on telly the other evening. I thought Magnus Malan still had the job.
Like many white people, I stopped taking an interest in current affairs in 1994...
Watching The Defectives
The ANC has once again dipped its grubby little paws into a Checkers bag full of recycled careerists and come up with an interim board for the SABC.
“Comrades, we’re offering you this chalice.”
“Wha...
Earth Hour Se Ma Se Poes
Earth Hour last night was a raging success and it doesn’t matter that the surge caused by everyone switching their lights back on at the same time forced power stations to crank up their output levels...
An Open Letter to the Independent Communications Authority of South Africa
Dear Sir or Madam,
Forgive me for I know not whether you are a sir or a madam. For all I know, you are both. If you are indeed a hermaphrodite or even a transsexual who dreams of one day undergoing g...
Here’s To Alcohol: The cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems
Instead of trying to find a cure for Aids, medical researchers should rather concentrate on finding a cure for hangovers.
Sure, most hangovers won’t kill you, but more of us suffer from them. And whe...
Let’s not forget Henke, so-called father of Oscar Pistorius
We hear a lot about Oscar Pistorius living with his rich uncle Arnold while on parole, but nobody talks about his father, Henke. Here's a letter I wrote to the murderer's dear old dad in 2013.
.......
We All Have Assburger’s Syndrome
Birds aren’t the only creatures that make a yummy meal when deboned and compressed. Donkey, goat and buffalo are as delicious as any turducken.
Mmmm dongobuffillet. Donkey stuffed into a goat stuffed...
Shootin’ From The Hip With Dead-Eye Dickhead
If your husband or boyfriend goes shopping and comes home with, say, a slow cooker, you stand a chance of getting supper. If, on the other hand, he comes home with a gun, you stand a chance of getting...
An Open Letter to Pope Benedict XVI
Dear Comrade Benedict,
Your resignation has taken many people by surprise. Well, when I say people, I mean Catholics. Is there any other kind?
I love Catholics. I am about as Catholic as you can get...