BEN TROVATO

A capricious Latina bitch by the name of LaNiñaput the kibosh on our plans to hole up on the Wild Coast for a few days. Before you could say “hypothetical meteorological phenomenon”, storm clouds gath...

A week ago I received an invitation to address the climate change conference that starts in Durban tomorrow. “Don’t be ridiculous,” said Brenda. “That would be like inviting Jackson Mthembu to be patr...

Brenda has been nagging me to emigrate (I presume she means us, and not just me) on the spurious grounds that South Africa is going to hell in a hand-basket. I don't want to leave. I reckon in twenty ...

The festive season is almost here. And we all know what that means. Lying naked on the beach guzzling buckets of fried chicken washed down with barrels of beer. Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it? Well, it’s ...

You like it when I call you Boss, don’t you? I can see it in your eyes. They glaze over when I stroke your ego. Afterwards, I have to go and wash my hands. Sometimes I even throw up. But never on your...

The nightmare begins with the travel agent ignoring me for 45 minutes while she synchronises connecting flights for a young black empowerment couple’s third around the world trip Then it’s my turn. A...

You think you're better than me, don’t you? You think you are superior to me. I can see it in your long white face. It is reflected in your smug wire-rimmed glasses. You think you are an upgrade on th...

“What do you want for Christmas,” snapped Brenda. “Well,” I said, “why not just stick with what you give me every year – ptomaine poisoning.” Brenda's Christmas dinner is an impressively toxic feast i...

“I’m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.” Who said this? Was it Jeffrey Dahmer? Hannibal Lecter? No, it was you, Tom. In an interview a few months before the birth of your first biolo...

I would like to get my name onto Discovery Health’s network of approved doctors. I understand quite a few people are upset at being told that they are no longer allowed to visit the doctor of their c...