An Open Letter To Patrice Motsepe
Dear Comrade Patrice,
My father always told me not to beg for anything. Today, he is a very proud man. Living in a cardboard box on the N3, but proud nevertheless. I would rather be rich and ashamed....
Advice For The Doomed Generation
So you’ve just finished matric and are looking for a job.
The first thing you need to do is drop a few kilos. School-leavers are getting more corpulent by the year. Sure, some are pregnant, but the o...
An Open Letter to President Jacob Zuma
Dear Msholozi,
I am a huge fan of yours and an even bigger supporter of the ANC, that glorious revolutionary movement to which I would dearly love to belong. Since you are the party’s number one memb...
2012 in review
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here's an excerpt:
4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 46,000 views in 201...
Cut Me, Baby, Cut Me Good
With Brenda gone and a new year unraveling before my bloodshot eyes, it seems an opportune time to take stock of my physical condition.
The degree to which men allow themselves to go to seed once the...
Looking for a Sign in 2013? Have You Checked Uranus?
After a close encounter with a celestial body on New Year’s Eve, I had an epiphany so powerful that I had to go home and change my broeks. It was downhill from then on.
All indications are that 2013 ...
Up Yours, 2012
It has been such a fabulous year.
My mother died, Brenda ran off and shagged a welder in Hermanus and the appalling Jacob Zuma is with us for the next seven years. I can hardly wait to see what 2013 ...
An Open Letter to President Jacob Zuma
Dear Msholozi,Let me be the first to congratulate you on your victory at Mangaung. Yes, I know others have congratulated you before now, but I am the first to do it without any ulterior motive whatsoe...
It’s Blood River All Over Again
Today, 174 years ago, the Voortrekkers defeated a Zulu army at the Battle of Blood River. And today, the Boers and the Zulus will join forces to defeat me at the Battle of Gateway Shopping Centre.
Th...
An Open Letter to Santa Claus
Dear Santa,
When I told my friend Ted I was writing to you, he asked whether I had recently suffered a severe blow to the head. He said any idiot knows that Santa doesn't exist. This, from a man who ...
An Open Letter to Angie Motshekga, Minister of Basic Education
Dear Comrade Angie,
Well done on getting the league to nominate Jacob Zuma for a second term as coxswain of the national gravy boat. Without him leading from the stern for another five years, the goo...
What To Do With The Feral Ingrates
School holidays should be abolished.
Our creaking infrastructure and shattered nerves can no longer withstand the blitzkrieg of semi-educated savages at the end of every year.
There should be new ...