An Open Letter to Mitt Romney – Republican Party nominee for President of the USA
My darling Mitt,
LOL! Just kidding. I'm straight.
But I do think you're awesome. Your hair is awesome. Your teeth are awesome. Even your name is awesome. Mitt.
Being named after a baseball glove i...
Tapping My Inner Woman
There's a lot of pretending going on in this country right now. Municipalities are buckling under the weight of freeloading lickspittles pretending to be interested in their jobs. The government is be...
Spanking The Olympic Monkey
“The South African nation is today filled with pride and joy,” decreed presidential spokesman Mac Maharaj on Tuesday.
This was astounding news. The nation is usually filled with anger, resentment, r...
A Doomed Attempt To Narco-Load On Mandela Day
On Mandela Day, the entrance to Addington Hospital resembled the entrance to the municipal market in Maputo when a fresh shipment of cocaine arrives.
The doorway was jammed with hawkers, hustlers, m...
Welcome To Club Dead
From: bentrovato@mweb.co.za
To: hatemyavuz@superonline.com
Subject: For the attention of Mr Hatem Yavuz of the Hatem Yavuz Group, purveyors of fine pelts and furs
Dear Mr Yavuz,
I understa...
If Anyone Can, The Anglican
Dear Archbishop of Canterbury,
My friend Ted and I spent last weekend praying that the Church of England would not allow women to be ordained as bishops. We already live with women who tell us that ...
Dear Tom Cruise (A Flashback)
“I’m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.”
Who said this? Was it Jeffrey Dahmer? Hannibal Lecter? No, it was you, Tom. In an interview a few months before the birth of your first biolo...
Thank You For Not Sharing
Much like alcohol and organised religion, Facebook can ruin your health, wreck your marriage and make you appear stupider than you are.
However, it brings great happiness and joy in so many other way...
And The Golden Globe Goes To …
Brenda made me stay up late and watch the Golden Globes with her. There are few things capable of holding my interest after midnight and a yowling strumpet wrapped in tin foil gushing all over people ...
Please, Sir, May I Have Some Economy?
When President Jacob Zuma said on Tuesday that the economy was still in the hands of white males, I was filled with shame.
Actually, at the time I was filled with beer but after visiting the little ...
Happiness Is A Warm Molotov Cocktail
I was saddened to read this week that we are one of the ten unhappiest countries in the world. What the hell is wrong with us?
Looking around, reading the papers and listening to people talk, I woul...
Douglas Daft Denies Doctoring Dindar’s Drink
Doctor Haroon Dindar of Mpumalanga was outraged when he discovered there was alcohol in a bottle of Coca-Cola he bought from the Coke depot in Ermelo.
The company admitted liability, saying the alcoh...