Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
I don't know where I live. No, I'm not wandering around unfamiliar neighbourhoods stopping people in the street and asking if they know who I am and where my house is. It must be said, however, that I...
Dear Comrade Premier Panyaza Lesufi…
Congratulations on having the courage to embark on your long unofficial journey to the presidency. People say you're a populist as if that's a bad thing. Who doesn't want to be popular? I have been un...
Of Stalingrad, Gaza and Floyd the Fluffer
I was wondering on Monday, my thinking day, why don't we have cheaper petrol since Big Oil is making record profits? Raking in millions of dollars in the time it took me to write that sentence. Then I...
Enjoy Durbs not-by-the-sea
The ANC in KwaZulu-Natal says Jacob Zuma will lead its campaign ahead of next year's general election. What a good idea. Durban is like one of those burned-out racehorses who break a leg and have to b...
Mad Thabo: Beyond Blunderdome
So the Bluff's very own Imperator Furiosa could face charges for chasing after a bag-snatcher and mowing him down with her Tazz. That it was a woman from the Bluff doesn't surprise me. Rough area, rou...
Neither virgin nor active
I saw a magazine article this week suggesting now would be a good time to start getting my body “beach-ready”. Living as I do in Cape Town, there is only one way to survive this endless hellish winter...
Of the Rugby World Cup and other homoerotic tales
South Africans are among the heaviest drinkers in the world in terms of both body weight and quantities consumed. We’re not quite top of the log yet, but the Rugby World Cup is pushing us closer to Zi...
Dear Prince Mohammed bin Salman…
Congratulations on getting invited to join Brics, a grouping that was surely created with Saudi Arabia in mind. Your nation's impressive human rights record is second only to that of Cambodia during t...
Kicking against the Brics
Since today falls in the middle of the Bric's meeting, it seemed right to send each leader a personalised message.
President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva: Bem-vindo! You will feel right at home here bec...
Of cockwombles, taxi drivers and Tinky-the-Pooh
Those taxi drivers in Cape Town, man. I've never seen such selfish behaviour. They know that we white people require immediate and unobstructed access to the airport at all times of day and night. Wha...
An open letter to Julius Malema…
Dear Julius Malema, First Marshal of the Empire and Supreme Commander of the Underclass,
Congratulations on the epic piece of revolutionary theatre you put on over the weekend at FNB Stadium. Speakin...