The Assassination: Scene 1 Act 1
It's clear what happened here. Donald Trump's linguistically challenged rival, Boe Jiden, was edging ahead in the polls and he desperately needed a boost. Preferably one that came with great photos. T...
Out of the woodwork and into the cabinet
When I had a proper job, I'd suffer from the Sunday Fear. You might have felt it yourself. It starts in the pit of your stomach and moves steadily up your spine. By 10pm it has crawled into the base o...
Cristiano Ronaldo vs that Christian-ou Renaldo…
Dear Bro Renaldo,
The other morning, I was in the pub with a couple of mates from the Aryan Brotherhood of Texas who came over after the elections to make sure our kind would be okay. They started ta...
On the run – again
I cannot bring myself to use the c-word or acronyms in this column. You know the ones. ANC, DA, MK, EFF, GNU. The only acronym I'm prepared to use is WTF. Aren't you all sick of it? Haven't you had en...
Let’s not make the breweries any richer
https://www.patreon.com/posts/104532789
No more Mr Freebie guy…
Right, then.
Every once in a while, I get the need to shake things up. That's my five-year plan. Try to fix stuff that isn't broken. Ruin a good thing. Fill the comfort zone with pepper spray and loc...
The name’s Grant … Disability Grant
I was appalled to hear that our Minister of Money, Enoch Godongwana, has increased the Social Relief of Distress grant by a staggering R20. The poor already have an overweening sense of entitlement. N...
Surviving an election year
If you're an Aquarian, it won't have escaped your notice that 2024, added up, gives you the number 8. You may already be feeling the effects. Eight, like Leos, is not to be taken lightly. Dismiss it a...
Dear six year olds…
I usually write to our high school “graduates” offering bad advice on how to negotiate the perils of the real world, but there's nothing I can do for Generation D. That stands for Doomed, in case you ...
Cyril Ramaphosa’s January 8 statement leaked
Comrades and compatriots,
People of South Africa,
We gather here today in Mangaung, the cradle of our birth, inspired by … hold on, this is last year's speech. Nobody wrote me a new one? It doesn't ...
2024 – A peachy, fuzzy kind of year
Oh, man. This is not going well. I can't wait for 2025. Now, that's going to be a cracker of a year.
Perhaps I should take a closer look at this one before writing it off completely.
The United Nati...
Shady Jake, the one-eyed trouser snake
I thought I was hallucinating when I heard Jacob Zuma's uniquely soporific drone on the telly, bumbling along at his usual three words a minute and setting off polygraph machines across the country.
...