An open letter to Walter “Fuck Cecil” Palmer
Dear Walter,
On behalf of specieists everywhere, I would like to congratulate you for taking down Cecil the lion in Zimbabwe the other day. What kind of name is Cecil, anyway? For that alone he deserv...
A letter to God
Dear God,
Sorry to bother you while you’re on holiday. I just felt like getting some stuff off my chest. I’m sure your in-box is stuffed with requests, complaints and demands going back hundreds of y...
A blast from the past
A Letter to Eric and Donald Trump Jnr
Hey boys!
Just wanted to congratulate you on your successful hunting trip to Zimbabwe. Our papers have been full of pictures of you guys holding up dead...
An open letter to Kendall Jones – femme fatale of the African jungle
Dear Kendall,
May I call you Kendall? Ms Jones sounds so formal. Besides, I feel like I know you. Yes, I do mean ‘know’ in the biblical sense. You look eerily similar to a dozen or so women I’ve slep...
Gissajob, Lenny!
Far-right leader's payday loans firm
A WHITE supremacist suspected of carrying out a bombing campaign in Africa has been found by the Daily Star Sunday - running a payday loans firm in Cambridgeshire
...
From the canned hunting archives …
VANDERBIJLPARK, 15 June 2009 — It is the end of the road for South Africa’s 123 lion breeders and 3 000 canned lions.
This follows a verdict in the Free State High Court in Bloemfontein that these se...
An open letter to Dr Wouter Basson
Dear Wouter,
I thought you might need a few words of support while trying to convince the Health Professions Council that you are not some depraved monster who isn't fit to slice people open and fidd...
An Open Letter To Nelson Mandela
Dear Madiba,
You probably won’t get this because the mail doesn’t always get through to the intensive care unit at the Pretoria Medi-Clinic Heart Hospital, but I thought I’d write to you anyway.
I h...
An open letter to Candith Mashedo-Dlamini – Mpumalanga MEC for Health
Dear Candith,
I can’t help thinking I have developed a lisp every time I say your name, which, admittedly, isn’t often enough for me to worry about a speech defect. But this is not why I am writing t...
An Open Letter To Senzeni Zokwana – President of the National Union of Mineworkers
Dear Comrade,
I hear you are demanding pay rises of around 60% from gold and coal producers. This is ridiculous. What on earth are you thinking? You need to demand increases of at least 150%. This is...
An Open Letter To The African Union
Dear AU,
Congratulation on turning 50! You’ve come a long way without actually going anywhere.
You’ve gone through quite a few changes, too. I remember when you were the Organisation of African Unit...
An Open Letter To Atul Gupta
Dear Atul,
May I call you Atul? You have been in the news so frequently that you feel like an old friend. A friend who once banged my wife, but a friend, nevertheless.
I have so many questions for y...