11
May
Tap-dancing gorillas and tenants from hell
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By
Ben Trovato
Did you know that gorillas make up "food songs" while they eat? A German scientist discovered this "fun new fact" while working with the primates in the Congo. I don't think it's a fun fact at all. I ...
03
Nov
Rent boy goes west
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By
Mosquitoes have begun sending out the recces early this year. They're coming in at high altitude late at night – not in packs, but in pairs. They split up once they've gained entrance to the bedroom. ...
07
Sep
The bandersnatches are on their way
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By
We have finally overtaken Britain as the world’s foremost nation in whining and complaining.
Crime is too high. Standards are too low. Sex is too fast. Service is too slow. I hate my job. I ...
10
Aug
A letter to God
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By
Dear God,
Sorry to bother you while you’re on holiday. I just felt like getting some stuff off my chest. I’m sure your in-box is stuffed with requests, complaints and demands going back hundreds of y...
12
Jun
Shoot me now
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By
If you’re going to expose yourself, there’s no better place to do it than in the Namib Desert.
“Come up,” said my daughter, Liberty. “We’ll shoot you.” A lot of fathers live in fear of hearing those ...
08
Sep
Stumbleweeding Through Life
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By
I hope there is some kind of predetermined plan here, and that it isn't all just loosely held together by a series of random events, because I cannot figure out why, exactly, I am writing this in a no...
01
Jul
Poltroons, Pizzas and Pangas
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By
Who is Ben Trovato?
Nobody knows for sure – not even him.
“Metaphysically speaking, I have no idea who I am,” says Trovato. “Nor do I wish to know. Asking ‘who am I’ is the kind of crazy talk reserv...