Cape Town Archives - BEN TROVATO

08 Aug

Of cockwombles, taxi drivers and Tinky-the-Pooh

August 8, 2023
By Ben Trovato
4 comments

Those taxi drivers in Cape Town, man. I've never seen such selfish behaviour. They know that we white people require immediate and unobstructed access to the airport at all times of day and night. Wha...

18 Oct

Cut&Run

Jou ma se holiday

November 1, 2022
By Ben Trovato
5 comments

The last time I took a holiday, it went on for five months. Now I can only afford to go away for one night. I spent my 24-hour vacation in Sea Point, requiring a road trip all of 40km. At home in ...

12 May

Cut&Run

Back in the belly of the beast

May 12, 2022
By Ben Trovato
10 comments

You'll no doubt be pleased to hear that I am back from my so-called vacation and will no longer be subjecting you to stories of howler monkeys, unrequited priapisms and near death experiences. A comb...

02 Sep

Columns

Add one baboon and stir well

September 5, 2020
By Ben Trovato
27 comments

Down in the Deep South, we give our baboons names. Like George and Jezebel and Kataza. Ah, Kataza. Who among us has not heard of your tales of derring-do? Now you're in trouble, bru. Try a little derr...

06 Dec

Uncategorized

Relax, officer

December 6, 2018
By Ben Trovato
1 comment

’Tis almost the season to be jolly. Jolly careful. There are people out there determined to get us locked up over the festive season. Family, for a start. There’s always one asshole relative who insis...

13 May

Uncategorized

And with a lick of her lips, she started to strip (her moer)

May 13, 2018
By Ben Trovato
0 comments

Dear Mmusi Maimane, Bleeder of the Opposition. Congratulations on finally getting rid of your mayor in Cape Town. Patricia de Lille is extremely dangerous and I'm not saying that just because she is a...

04 Feb

Uncategorized

Day Zero's bubble bursting bonanza

February 4, 2018
By Ben Trovato
1 comment

The water crisis in Cape Town isn't all doom and gloom. I saw a newspaper headline this week that said, “Drought could damage property values.” This is excellent news for everyone who isn't an estate...

28 Jan

Uncategorized

The new dorsland draadtrekkers

January 28, 2018
By Ben Trovato
1 comment

I find it hard to take things too seriously because in a hundred years from now everyone on the planet will have vanished and been replaced by eight billion people who don't currently exist. Also, we ...

29 Oct

Uncategorized

Swallowing is good for you

October 29, 2017
By Ben Trovato
1 comment

The European swallow stands about five-foot-six in its socks, burns easily in the sun and enjoys a pint or two with the lads. It is also a small migratory bird. In our summer months, the European swal...

15 May

Uncategorized

To not swallow or split

May 15, 2017
By Ben Trovato
7 comments

Last Wednesday was International Migratory Bird Day and I speak for the indigenous avian community when I say we're happy to see the back of those annoying ingrates. I have never seen such arrogance a...

04 Mar

Uncategorized

Privates on parade

March 4, 2017
By Ben Trovato
3 comments

Ted called me this morning and said there was a parade in Cape Town. He suggested that we get onto it right away. As former military men, Ted and I always have enormous fun at parades. During the war...

02 Sep

Columns

Pining for the pines

September 2, 2016
By Ben Trovato
8 comments

I was out walking on the slopes of Table Mountain the other day enjoying the exercise and marveling at the view ... oh, who am I kidding. I was out looking for shamanic fungi but I can't write that or...

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