08
Aug
Of cockwombles, taxi drivers and Tinky-the-Pooh
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By
Ben Trovato
Those taxi drivers in Cape Town, man. I've never seen such selfish behaviour. They know that we white people require immediate and unobstructed access to the airport at all times of day and night. Wha...
18
Oct
Jou ma se holiday
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By
The last time I took a holiday, it went on for five months. Now I can only afford to go away for one night. I spent my 24-hour vacation in Sea Point, requiring a road trip all of 40km.
At home in Kom...
12
May
Back in the belly of the beast
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By
You'll no doubt be pleased to hear that I am back from my so-called vacation and will no longer be subjecting you to stories of howler monkeys, unrequited priapisms and near death experiences.
A comb...
02
Sep
Add one baboon and stir well
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By
Down in the Deep South, we give our baboons names. Like George and Jezebel and Kataza. Ah, Kataza. Who among us has not heard of your tales of derring-do? Now you're in trouble, bru. Try a little derr...
06
Dec
Relax, officer
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By
’Tis almost the season to be jolly. Jolly careful. There are people out there determined to get us locked up over the festive season. Family, for a start. There’s always one asshole relative who insis...
13
May
And with a lick of her lips, she started to strip (her moer)
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By
Dear Mmusi Maimane, Bleeder of the Opposition.
Congratulations on finally getting rid of your mayor in Cape Town. Patricia de Lille is extremely dangerous and I'm not saying that just because she is a...
04
Feb
Day Zero's bubble bursting bonanza
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By
The water crisis in Cape Town isn't all doom and gloom.
I saw a newspaper headline this week that said, “Drought could damage property values.” This is excellent news for everyone who isn't an estate ...
28
Jan
The new dorsland draadtrekkers
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By
I find it hard to take things too seriously because in a hundred years from now everyone on the planet will have vanished and been replaced by eight billion people who don't currently exist. Also, we ...
29
Oct
Swallowing is good for you
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By
The European swallow stands about five-foot-six in its socks, burns easily in the sun and enjoys a pint or two with the lads. It is also a small migratory bird.
In our summer months, the European swal...
15
May
To not swallow or split
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By
Last Wednesday was International Migratory Bird Day and I speak for the indigenous avian community when I say we're happy to see the back of those annoying ingrates. I have never seen such arrogance a...
04
Mar
Privates on parade
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By
Ted called me this morning and said there was a parade in Cape Town. He suggested that we get onto it right away. As former military men, Ted and I always have enormous fun at parades.
During the war...
02
Sep
Pining for the pines
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By
I was out walking on the slopes of Table Mountain the other day enjoying the exercise and marveling at the view ... oh, who am I kidding. I was out looking for shamanic fungi but I can't write that or...