Mayhem at the mall
All that is preventing hostilities from breaking out in shopping mall parking lots across the country are the Congolese and Rwandan car guards. They have seen some terrible things, and I’m not even ta...
What would Jesus say?
There's an Anglican church near me that often advertises upcoming events – cage fighting, mud wrestling, Russian roulette and so on. This week there's a banner promising an upcoming series of sermons ...
Every night is fright night
It is Halloween on Wednesday and I, for one, cannot wait to put on my succubus suit and go creeping around the neighbourhood late at night banging on doors, shouting: “Trick or treat!”
The real spo...
It's that time of year when …
It's that time of year when boilerplate journalists stare out the window, sigh heavily and begin writing stuff that begins with “It's that time of year when ….”
Calling them journalists gives them mor...
The intelligent designer is a moron
The stomach-churning, brain-curdling news that Donald Trump is the 45th American president continues to give rise to all manner of existentialist questions like: What the fuck? Is this really happenin...
An open letter to Pastor Steven L Anderson
Dear Pastor
On behalf of all red-blooded, right-thinking heterosexual South African men, I would like to apologise for the appalling treatment meted out to you by the limp-wristed, cocktail-sucking pi...
Annie Got Her Gun
I wanted to write about the recent dramatic developments on the local government front. I really did. It's got to be worth something, right? Stop me if you've heard this one. The DA, the ACDP, the UDM...
When Good Friday turned bad
I was making an emergency house call on the bad yellow-eyed woman when I stumbled across a rapidly forming mob at the old harbour in Hermanus. Sensing a fight in the making, I pushed my way to the fro...
The Christmas spirit
Today, 177 years ago, the Voortrekkers defeated the Zulus at the Battle of Blood River.
And in 177 minutes from now, the Boers and the Zulus will join forces to defeat me at the Battle of Gateway Sho...
Jesus was a rabbit
Over the last few weeks the shops have been filling up with lurid gold and silver bunnies of all shapes and sizes. If I didn’t know any better, and I frequently don’t, I might be forgiven for thinking...