13
May
And with a lick of her lips, she started to strip (her moer)
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By
Ben Trovato
Dear Mmusi Maimane, Bleeder of the Opposition.
Congratulations on finally getting rid of your mayor in Cape Town. Patricia de Lille is extremely dangerous and I'm not saying that just because she is a...
30
Aug
We're the A Team – We don't need reserves
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By
Next to beer, I think petrol is my most favourite liquid. You can huff it to get high, use it to make Molotov cocktails and put it in your car so you drive to the bottle store. Trained professionals a...
11
May
Tap-dancing gorillas and tenants from hell
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By
Did you know that gorillas make up "food songs" while they eat? A German scientist discovered this "fun new fact" while working with the primates in the Congo. I don't think it's a fun fact at all. I ...
11
Apr
Why Mickey Mouse Would Make A Better President Than Jacob Zuma
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By
Mickey is black but he has a white face. This means he stands a good chance of being accepted across the racial spectrum.
Mickey is keenly aware of the importance of personal hygiene. For a start, yo...
17
Mar
Here’s To Alcohol: The cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems
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By
Instead of trying to find a cure for Aids, medical researchers should rather concentrate on finding a cure for hangovers.
Sure, most hangovers won’t kill you, but more of us suffer from them. And whe...
24
Feb
Shootin’ From The Hip With Dead-Eye Dickhead
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By
If your husband or boyfriend goes shopping and comes home with, say, a slow cooker, you stand a chance of getting supper. If, on the other hand, he comes home with a gun, you stand a chance of getting...
03
Feb
An Open Letter To Patrice Motsepe
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By
Dear Comrade Patrice,
My father always told me not to beg for anything. Today, he is a very proud man. Living in a cardboard box on the N3, but proud nevertheless. I would rather be rich and ashamed....
21
Jan
An Open Letter to President Jacob Zuma
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By
Dear Msholozi,
I am a huge fan of yours and an even bigger supporter of the ANC, that glorious revolutionary movement to which I would dearly love to belong. Since you are the party’s number one memb...
30
Dec
Up Yours, 2012
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By
It has been such a fabulous year.
My mother died, Brenda ran off and shagged a welder in Hermanus and the appalling Jacob Zuma is with us for the next seven years. I can hardly wait to see what 2013 ...
02
Dec
An Open Letter to Angie Motshekga, Minister of Basic Education
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By
Dear Comrade Angie,
Well done on getting the league to nominate Jacob Zuma for a second term as coxswain of the national gravy boat. Without him leading from the stern for another five years, the goo...
18
Nov
The Whine Route
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By
I stand in solidarity with the striking grape-pickers of the Western Cape because I, too, was once a picker of grapes. Not here, of course. Our wine farms would never hire white pickers, especially no...
04
Nov
The Vervet Underground
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By
I have seen more monkeys in the last three weeks than I have people. You're probably thinking how lucky I am to be holidaying in some or other pristine wilderness far from the madding crowd. Well, I'm...