27
Apr
Gettin’ me a little R&R
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By
Ben Trovato
It wasn't long before I was convinced that Mkuze Game Reserve had no animals. Judging by the size of the staff, it was entirely possible that they had eaten the lot.
I went into a hide where a sectio...
21
May
Let’s All Drink To The Death Of A Clown
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By
This is the first time in ten years that I haven’t had a weekly deadline for a newspaper column.
The first five were with the Cape Times, the second five with the Sunday Times. It’s very unsettling t...
05
May
Airplanes, Wedding Trains and the CAR
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By
“If you love me, you will obey my commandments – John 14:15.”
And so it is with Trovato 07:45. Or, if I oversleep, 10:30. President Jacob Zuma is also big on this parable or homily or whatever the he...
28
Apr
The Chicken Who Cried Fowl
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By
I had a birthday this week. Many of you failed to wish me well. Fine. Don’t expect me to be there for you when days are dark and friends are few.
Out here on the North Coast, in the 4399, the days ar...
11
Apr
Why Mickey Mouse Would Make A Better President Than Jacob Zuma
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By
Mickey is black but he has a white face. This means he stands a good chance of being accepted across the racial spectrum.
Mickey is keenly aware of the importance of personal hygiene. For a start, yo...
19
Mar
An Open Letter to the Independent Communications Authority of South Africa
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By
Dear Sir or Madam,
Forgive me for I know not whether you are a sir or a madam. For all I know, you are both. If you are indeed a hermaphrodite or even a transsexual who dreams of one day undergoing g...
17
Mar
Here’s To Alcohol: The cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems
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By
Instead of trying to find a cure for Aids, medical researchers should rather concentrate on finding a cure for hangovers.
Sure, most hangovers won’t kill you, but more of us suffer from them. And whe...
12
Mar
Let’s not forget Henke, so-called father of Oscar Pistorius
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By
We hear a lot about Oscar Pistorius living with his rich uncle Arnold while on parole, but nobody talks about his father, Henke. Here's a letter I wrote to the murderer's dear old dad in 2013.
.......
03
Mar
We All Have Assburger’s Syndrome
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By
Birds aren’t the only creatures that make a yummy meal when deboned and compressed. Donkey, goat and buffalo are as delicious as any turducken.
Mmmm dongobuffillet. Donkey stuffed into a goat stuffed...
24
Feb
Shootin’ From The Hip With Dead-Eye Dickhead
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By
If your husband or boyfriend goes shopping and comes home with, say, a slow cooker, you stand a chance of getting supper. If, on the other hand, he comes home with a gun, you stand a chance of getting...
03
Feb
An Open Letter To Patrice Motsepe
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By
Dear Comrade Patrice,
My father always told me not to beg for anything. Today, he is a very proud man. Living in a cardboard box on the N3, but proud nevertheless. I would rather be rich and ashamed....