I have a bream …
I find it best not to move around too much in winter. Body heat and energy need to be conserved at all costs. Expeditions from my desk to the kitchen are fraught with danger. There’s a reason you don’...
High times in Hound City
I had my 21st birthday party at a club in Durban. I hired it for the night. It was dangerously cheap. I don’t remember the name. It was down a side street deep in the noxious belly of the beast. It wa...
Lubowski & Me
Another extract from The Memoirs of Ben Trovato.
Anarchy in the RSA
With polls due to open on Wednesday, election fever is reaching a crescendo. Bare-assed lying, bribery, coercion and threats of violence are witnessed every day. And that’s just in my house.
The situ...
Gettin’ me a little R&R
It wasn't long before I was convinced that Mkuze Game Reserve had no animals. Judging by the size of the staff, it was entirely possible that they had eaten the lot.
I went into a hide where a sectio...
Application to the SA Army: Training Programme
Dear Madam,
I am certain you are a madam because the army would never allow a man to open the mail. However, with this new-fangled, touchy-feely, homo-friendly vibe going around, you may wel...
A letter from South Africa – postal code 419
My dear respected Nigeria,
I came upon your good name in the newspapers and I hope you do not object me to approaching you with this information. I have the believe that you are a reputable and trust...
Renewing my licence to loot
I was sitting in a bar the other day admiring how young and virile I looked in the photo on my driver's licence when I noticed that it had expired. In November. What's the point of having one of these...
Buster Blood Vessel
Almost a year ago, I hired a bicycle and rode from Blue Lagoon to uShaka Marine World to investigate the state of the beachfront. I wrote a column about it. My body must have sensed that it was time f...
The Dirty Dozen 2
We need a fresh approach to politics.
But perhaps not quite as fresh as North Korea’s approach. Last week, Kim Jong-un won the election with 100% of ballots cast in his favour. The man’s popularity ...
Lying by numbers
I am pleased to hear there is talk of putting a cap on lawyers’ fees, although I still think it’s a far better idea to put a cap in lawyers’ asses. Violence is the only language they understand. Viole...