My dear respected Nigeria,
I came upon your good name in the newspapers and I hope you do not object me to approaching you with this information. I have the believe that you are a reputable and trustworthy country.
I come to you with the authority of God after the Virgin Merry came to me in a vision last night.
My name is South Africa. I am an elderly country and but we have many things in common. We are both countries in Africa. You were a British colony. I was a Dutch, British and Afrikaner colony. Your motto is ‘United and Faith, Peace and Progress’. Mine is !ke e: ǀxarra ǁke. I think this might be computer code. You have 170-million people. I have only 53-million. There would have been more but some died when I had a health minister and a president who said the cure for Aids was a beetroot.
Things have not been going so well at home since my father, Nelson Mandela, died. I have many, many children who steal from me every day. Factories are also trying to poison me. And I am suffering from potholes. I was always the biggest economy in Africa but now my market is shrinking and the money will not last for ever. You, madam, are now all of a sudden top of the dogs. It is a miracle. I accord you my congratulations and shower blessings upon your esteemed president, Badluck Jonathan. Please, I am desirous of entering a business relationship with you.
I have 185-million American dollars concealed in a suspense account in Pretoria. The Marie Vergin has told me to seek for a God-fearing partner in Africa to use this money for investment porpoises. When I saw your name, I knew God had sent me to you. I prayed for many nights because I was confused. I told God that you had toppled me with force of numbers. I asked Him why He did not just destroy you. Then Jesus came to me and told me that even though your GDP was 510-billion dollars, you urgently need the help of a humble Christian country like me.
It is with a cents of humanity that I wish to transfer all my money to you for investment in computer schools, cellphones and hotels for your one hundred million people who live on one dollar a day. I am therefore seeking your assistance in the following ways. Please send me a bank account number so that I may desposit my 285-million dollars. I am a modest girl of 15 and require you to keep my donation a secret.
From one regional power to another, I ask one only thing. The Virgin airline said I must request from you for the small amount of ten million barrels of oil. I must get this before I give you my 285-million dollars. I am also visioned to include in this donation the president of me. Jacob Zuma will be a big asset to your economy. This is a free gift from me to you. Please accept, for God’s sake.
For private and security reasons, please email me at southafrica@fahkyoobrudda.com so we can exchange account number. Let us move speedily if you show your interest with positive signals. Please to keep utmost confidence in this risk-free transaction to avoid World Bank from confiscating our countries.
Gob bless you, my African sister brother.
Mrs South Africa
You are just so brilliant!!!
Kind regards
KAREN
Brilliant might be pushing it a bit. But thanks, Karen.
Hahaha good gracious you have such a great sense of humor, I love it when Nigeria get they dosage of 419.lol.
Thanks Thokozani.
You have the BELIEVEâ¦not belief??? I donât believe you!
I donut believe you, either.
Fucking great..the story, the style, the whole thing; just as those ‘mother%$&*ers’ try to elicit funds, bank details etc, from us all. Bravo Ben!!
Fucksake china. You make me laugh hey? Jirra man. Enough already.
ABSOLUTELY brilliant! I could not stop laughing! Ben Trovato, just when I think you cannot possibly outdo yourself, you do!!!
Thanks, comrade.