19
Apr
Xenophobia? I blame Facebook
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By
Ben Trovato
The warnings started appearing on Facebook on Tuesday. It might have been Monday. When you do what I do for a living, the only difference between days is the spelling.
One woman posted on her wall, "...
14
Apr
Unprotected and exposed
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By
The lights were turned down low. I was nervous. This was my first time. He smiled when I walked in. Gently took my hand in his. I recoiled as he began stroking my arms. "Just relax," he murmured, runn...
12
Apr
An open letter to Steve Hofmeyr
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By
Howzit boet,
It's good to see you and Sunette Bridges getting involved in this statue business. The revolution needs white people who can sing. It will keep our morale up while we form a laager with ...
05
Apr
History? Not for me, thanks
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By
When the hysteria surrounding the Cecil John Rhodes statue at UCT first came to my attention, I was outraged. I rampaged up and down my house for hours. "How dare they," I shouted at the cat. "How dar...
29
Mar
Real men read Cosmo
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By
I was having my car washed at a garage the other day and went into the shop to find something to read because I'd sooner rub bits of jellyfish into my eyeballs than watch three underpaid workers seeth...
23
Mar
No nudes is good nudes
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By
Dear Reverend Mike Effanga,
I wish to applaud you on behalf of all right-wing, I beg your pardon, right-thinking South Africans for your efforts to stop those backsliding nudist barbarians from getti...
01
Mar
An open letter to Nompumelelo Ntuli-Zuma
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By
Dear Nompumelelo,
I liked your style right from the moment I saw that picture of you at your wedding wearing a dress that appeared to have been made entirely out of banknotes. You don't get classier ...
16
Feb
No wealth and common as dirt – Durban takes the lead
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By
Parties exploded across Durban last week when Edmonton withdrew its bid to host the 2022 Commonwealth Games, leaving this glittering jewel of the east coast the sole bidder.
It should be said, though...
04
Feb
I am not Patrice Motsepe
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By
I feel sorry for Patrice Motsepe. For a start, he's the fourth richest man in the country. Fourth is a terrible position. I always came fourth in athletics at school, regardless of the event, and it w...
31
Jan
A Day at the Races
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By
A 10km-deep snarl of traffic surrounded Kenilworth racecourse and our mood was dark and ugly by the time we swerved into the J&B Met VIP parking area.
“Media,” I shouted, flashing my black wristba...
25
Jan
Shock! Horror! Outrage!
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By
It's not always easy coming up with ideas for a column, week after week, month after month, year after goddamn year, especially not since the internet was invented and everyone became a comedian overn...
25
Jan
An open letter to the Grade One class of 2015
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By
Hello kiddies. I'm your Uncle Ben and I'm here to help explain what's happening to you.
First of all, welcome to hell. You think the last five years of living with your parents was rough? That's nothi...