27
Mar
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your … ah, fuck it
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By
Ben Trovato
Finland is the happiest nation in the world for the seventh year running.
Imagine living in a country where everyone is happy, year after year. It would be too terrible for words. I’ve been to Finlan...
19
Jan
To the class of 2023
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By
Yes, yes, you’re all very clever. Clap, clap, clap. Well done, girls and boys. Look at you, all sparkly-eyed and smiling fit to burst, flashing your flawless teeth and carefree faces, reminding the re...
08
Dec
Politicians playing presidential Tinder
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By
Party leaders have begun shyly trying on their sexiest outfits and practising their best pick-up lines as they prepare to woo us. If they hope to become the president of South Africa next year, they'r...
14
Sep
Of the Rugby World Cup and other homoerotic tales
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By
South Africans are among the heaviest drinkers in the world in terms of both body weight and quantities consumed. We’re not quite top of the log yet, but the Rugby World Cup is pushing us closer to Zi...
19
Jan
South Africa: Forward to the Past
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By
After yet another wretched night without power, I bought an ounce of criminally overpriced data and turned to the internet for help. Dignitas seemed the most effective solution, but my bank balance sa...
05
Jan
2023 – A good year for rabbits
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By
Right, then. How are you all feeling? Can't wait to take the new year between your teeth and shake it like a terrier shakes a rat, I'll bet. Yeah, me too.
This is going to be the best year in the his...
18
Aug
Free drugs at the High Court Night Shelter
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By
If superior beings on a distant planet had a listening device pointed at the Earth, all they'd pick up from South Africa is a dull whine. The sound of millions of people complaining, carping and criti...
17
Jun
Municipal mayhem
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By
There are few six-syllable words in the English language that fill one with more despair and contempt than the word “municipality”. Not in every country, obviously. There are parts of the world where ...
06
Jun
A letter to the ‘General’
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By
The high court in Middelburg on Monday convicted Harry Knoesen, the self-proclaimed leader of a group called the National Christian Resistance Movement, also known as the “Crusaders”, on five counts i...
19
May
An open letter to Nathi Mthethwa, Minister of Sports, Arts and Culture
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By
Dear Comrade Nathi,
Congratulations on your brilliant idea to spend R22-million on a flagpole! Some people say it's too much money, but they don't understand the price of everything has gone up. A ye...
08
Apr
Falling away at midnight
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By
When I heard President Ramaphosa had declared South Africa was no longer in a State of Disaster, I felt a roiling sense of unease. For 750 days we knew where we stood – mostly outside locked bottle st...
01
Apr
Happier than a condemned kangaroo
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By
I watched a video on Twitter from someone called Oleksandra Matviichuk. He was sitting behind the wheel of a van and looked like a rally driver – peak cap, teardrop sunglasses, overalls. Turning to th...