Application for the position of CEO of the SA Dental Association
Dear Sir,
I presume you are a ‘sir’ because women don’t feature very prominently in dentistry. Please don’t misunderstand me. Women make fabulous dental hygienists, assistants and receptionists, but ...
An Open Letter to “Reverend” Kemo Waters
Dear Comrade Kemo,
The moment I heard about your message on Twitter suggesting that white people ought to be snuffed out like the vermin they are, I thought it important to write to you without delay...
An Open Letter to Julius Malema
Dear Juju,
Like a true pioneer, albeit one who has been dipping into the emergency supply of moonflowers, you continue to burn your bridges as you forge blindly ahead. I'm not sure if hitching your w...
Shame on the sheeple
With the podium awash in cake and catharsis, deputy president Kgalema Motlanthe raised his glass and proposed a toast. “The leaders will now enjoy the champagne, and of course they do so on your behal...
Women and children first
It was like Friday or something and I was just sommer trapping down the road to score a toasted sarmie minding my own beeswax when this darkie checked me skeef. Like, lank skeef. I chooned him hey wha...
Bloemfontein Über Alles
A no-flies zone has been declared around Bloemfontein this weekend. President Zuma believes flies were brought over by the missionaries and used as weapons of mass distraction. While the Africans were...
My kingdom for a Kwaai Lappies
South Africans who say they would rather spend their holidays here than anywhere else – because, like, it's such an awesome country – should have their jaws permanently wired shut so that never again ...
Hangovers 101
Men in white coats tell us that hangovers are caused by the excessive intake of alcohol. Funny, then, how it was men in white coats saying, “Can I bring you another?” that caused all the trouble in th...
Good morning, Vietnam!
Right, now that the pleasantries are over, could I ask you to please stop shnarfing our rhino horn in the deluded belief that it can cure hangovers. It does nothing of the sort, you idiots. If it did,...
2012 – Adopt the brace position
Every time I pick up a newspaper or turn on the television I am confronted by a special report on the highlights of the year gone by. Quite frankly, I have had enough of it. For a start, we know what ...
Beware of the K9
I have often wondered who are the real snitches of the dog underworld. The informants. The impimpis and the impuppies. The dogs that feign loyalty and then turn on you when you least expect it. I am n...