Armageddon outta here
“We can't pay R25 a litre!” What? Of course we can. In fact, there are far too many of us who can still afford petrol. And that’s the problem.
Let me explain. We all agree that a bad moon is rising a...
A pox on your monkey
I ain't scared of no goddamn monkeypox. For starters, there ain't no such thing. It's just Big Pharma tryna put the frighteners on us so we buy their fancy new drugs coz nobody is taking their fake Co...
Guns don’t kill people. Arseholes kill people
Don’t get me wrong. You won’t catch me hugging any bunnies, but that’s largely because I’m afraid of them. It’s not funny. Leporiphobia is a real thing. I don’t come around to your house and laugh at ...
SA takes top position by accident
Finally, some good news at last! For the second year running, we have been named the most dangerous country to drive in. Competition for the title is fierce and I have never been more proud to be Sout...
An open letter to Nathi Mthethwa, Minister of Sports, Arts and Culture
Dear Comrade Nathi,
Congratulations on your brilliant idea to spend R22-million on a flagpole! Some people say it's too much money, but they don't understand the price of everything has gone up. A ye...
Back in the belly of the beast
You'll no doubt be pleased to hear that I am back from my so-called vacation and will no longer be subjecting you to stories of howler monkeys, unrequited priapisms and near death experiences.
A comb...
Abort the US Supreme Court
Here's a letter I wrote to the Alabama Senate in 2015. The Deep South, leading the way as always...
.................................
Congratulations on passing what is being hailed as the most rest...
Falling away at midnight
When I heard President Ramaphosa had declared South Africa was no longer in a State of Disaster, I felt a roiling sense of unease. For 750 days we knew where we stood – mostly outside locked bottle st...
Happier than a condemned kangaroo
I watched a video on Twitter from someone called Oleksandra Matviichuk. He was sitting behind the wheel of a van and looked like a rally driver – peak cap, teardrop sunglasses, overalls. Turning to th...
Under the volcano
Travel as much as you can, my mother said. It broadens the mind, she said. Thanks, mom. My mind is now so broad that important stuff has begun falling into the yawning crevasse between my cerebral hem...
Dear Barbara Creecy, Dark Lord of All Beasts, Forests and Fishes
I hear you have decreed that 10 leopards, 10 black rhino and 150 elephants shall be gunned down by trophy hunters this year. Good for you. There is no place in this country for freeloaders who contrib...
Ebony and ivory live together in perfect disharmony
There was a photo in a Sunday newspaper of an enraged white man shouting at an annoyed black man outside Hoërskool Jan Viljoen, a hideous neo-Calvinistic throwback named after an education minister wh...