Buster Blood Vessel
Almost a year ago, I hired a bicycle and rode from Blue Lagoon to uShaka Marine World to investigate the state of the beachfront. I wrote a column about it. My body must have sensed that it was time f...
Uneasy lies the head
The Namibian government announced earlier this week that English will, from next year, no longer be the language of instruction from pre-primary to Grade Five. On the same day, the government strung u...
The Dirty Dozen 2
We need a fresh approach to politics.
But perhaps not quite as fresh as North Korea’s approach. Last week, Kim Jong-un won the election with 100% of ballots cast in his favour. The man’s popularity ...
The Fear Factor
Comrades, we have new things to fear.
Russia provoking world war three. The Oscar Pistorius trial dragging on for months. Protein.
Let us begin with the first. It’s the least likely to affect us dir...
An open letter to Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni
Dear President Museveni, Supreme Ruler of the Pearl of Africa, Teacher of Lessons, Father of Children, Guardian of Public Morality and Confirmed Heterosexual for Life.
Congratulations on signing the ...
I man a de Bush Doctor
Big up to Mario Oriani-Ambrosini. This week he stood up in parliament and appealed to President Jacob Zuma to legalise medicinal marijuana as an alternative treatment for cancer patients.
The Inkatha...
Lying by numbers
I am pleased to hear there is talk of putting a cap on lawyers’ fees, although I still think it’s a far better idea to put a cap in lawyers’ asses. Violence is the only language they understand. Viole...
An open letter to sports minister Fikile Mbalula
Howzit Fiks,
I reckon I can dispense with formality ‘coz you been hanging with rappers and threatening our soccer team with, like, death. That’s cool. I’m down with that kind of thing.
So I read in ...
Pussies Riot
I have been trying to work out what the Democratic Alliance had in mind when they “marched” on the ANC’s headquarters in Joburg last week.
It wasn’t really a march. Not a proper one. A march for jobs...
Knee-deep in whackos and nutjobs
The first time I heard the term “cray cray” I was in Paternoster, the West Coast centre of operations for petty pilferers, tik monsters and venal property owners. The person shouting “cray cray” at me...
A Chinese lesbian is all I need
Like most people at this time of year, my thoughts have turned to how best I can help those less fortunate than myself.
No, they haven’t. They have turned to money. More specifically, why don’t I hav...
An inconvenient tooth
There are two things I fear most of all. Three, if you include cockroaches. What the hell, let’s throw in praying mantises and make it four. Heavy lifting rounds it off to five.
But all things consid...