It’s A for Away at Arugam Bay
Watching the political turmoil unfold in Sri Lanka, I was glad to have had the opportunity to visit the country on a surf trip four years ago. Here are two columns I wrote for Zigzag magazine at the t...
Hanging out with the Vervet underground
I made the mistake of flying to Durban, unaware that schools, which mostly shield us from the awfulness of children, are closed. Every mall, beach and restaurant is infested with the feral savages. Mo...
Neigh, my bru
I have never seen the point of horses. They are little more than tall dogs with inappropriately long faces. But if you dare mention it in front of them, they will not hesitate to bite your arm off and...
There will be blood (tests)
So the nights are getting shorter. But not short enough for me. I'm done with nights. Sleeping is an appalling waste of the little time we are allowed on this mad carousel.
If you live to 75, you wil...
Don’t try to extinguish Girls on Fire
I saw a news story today about Girls on Fire. Someone should put them out, was my first thought. Risking my sanity by reading beyond the headline, I learned the story was about a marked increase in th...
Municipal mayhem
There are few six-syllable words in the English language that fill one with more despair and contempt than the word “municipality”. Not in every country, obviously. There are parts of the world where ...
We’ve got an Ankole in the forex business
I wanted to write about the last nail being hammered into Cyril Ramaphosa's political coffin. Or about a fat, repulsive ex-spook stabbing South Africa in the back, not to put it out of its misery, but...
No Country for Young Men
June, apparently, is Youth Month. To find out what stimulating events the Ministry of Youth, if there even is such a thing, has lined up, I visited the government's website, LieSteal&Destroy.gov.z...
A letter to the ‘General’
The high court in Middelburg on Monday convicted Harry Knoesen, the self-proclaimed leader of a group called the National Christian Resistance Movement, also known as the “Crusaders”, on five counts i...
Armageddon outta here
“We can't pay R25 a litre!” What? Of course we can. In fact, there are far too many of us who can still afford petrol. And that’s the problem.
Let me explain. We all agree that a bad moon is rising a...
A pox on your monkey
I ain't scared of no goddamn monkeypox. For starters, there ain't no such thing. It's just Big Pharma tryna put the frighteners on us so we buy their fancy new drugs coz nobody is taking their fake Co...
Guns don’t kill people. Arseholes kill people
Don’t get me wrong. You won’t catch me hugging any bunnies, but that’s largely because I’m afraid of them. It’s not funny. Leporiphobia is a real thing. I don’t come around to your house and laugh at ...