21
Oct
To the Matric Class of 2024
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By
Ben Trovato
Dear adultlings,
Congratulations on making it to the end of the beginning. Twelve years of being bullied, belittled and, in several thousand cases, banged up. A South African education pr...
10
Oct
Arise, Sir Ben …
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By
It's been some time since I left school. Not quite in disgrace, but not exactly covered in glory either. Did my school “career” leave a lasting impression on me? Sure it did, but only until the flesh ...
03
Oct
Crystal clear on race
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By
I read something written by someone who has something to do with the so-called Institute of Race Relations.
I’ve heard things about this institute. I don’t know if these things are true.
To be h...
08
Sep
Roman around the farms
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By
Dear John,
Oh dear. That's unfortunate phrasing. Perhaps Mr Steenhuisen would be less triggering. Did you ever get a Dear John letter from a duplicitous girlfriend while you were in the army? Were yo...
29
Aug
We demand more pot
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By
I've been hearing a lot about this two-pot retirement system lately. It all happens on Sunday. That should liven up the weekend. Better than getting stabbed. People who know things say it's a brillian...
23
Aug
A Floydian Slip
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By
Dear Julius,
I was sorry to hear about your break-up with Floyd. The collapse of a relationship is no laughing matter. Actually, that's not true. When my second marriage ended I laughed for days. B...
15
Aug
Kommetjie – baboon village with a surfing problem
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By
So the moment I leave Kommetjie, there's an outbreak of hostilities between the humans and the baboons. It's almost as if I was the link keeping the two apart. Well, I'm the missing link now and they'...
17
Jul
The Assassination: Scene 1 Act 1
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By
It's clear what happened here. Donald Trump's linguistically challenged rival, Boe Jiden, was edging ahead in the polls and he desperately needed a boost. Preferably one that came with great photos. T...
04
Jul
Out of the woodwork and into the cabinet
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By
When I had a proper job, I'd suffer from the Sunday Fear. You might have felt it yourself. It starts in the pit of your stomach and moves steadily up your spine. By 10pm it has crawled into the base o...
26
Jun
Cristiano Ronaldo vs that Christian-ou Renaldo…
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By
Dear Bro Renaldo,
The other morning, I was in the pub with a couple of mates from the Aryan Brotherhood of Texas who came over after the elections to make sure our kind would be okay. They started ta...
13
Jun
On the run – again
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By
I cannot bring myself to use the c-word or acronyms in this column. You know the ones. ANC, DA, MK, EFF, GNU. The only acronym I'm prepared to use is WTF. Aren't you all sick of it? Haven't you had en...
24
May
The Battle of Bangui and other ANC Bungles
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By
I've just read that the defence department has been ordered by a judge to release three internal reports on the “Battle of Bangui” – the country's worst military defeat since apartheid – in which 15 S...