Get insurance against the insurers
Dear Comrade Johann Le Roux, CEO of Momentum Life.
Congratulations on steadfastly refusing to fork out R2.4-million to the widow of that 42-year-old Durban man who died while trying to protect his ...
It’s all fun and games until …
Since I posted my column about Herzlia Middle School in Cape Town threatening disciplinary action against two students who “took a knee” in protest at the playing of the Israeli national anthem, I hav...
We live in testing times
My wallet containing a credit card, driver’s licence, R12.50 and a small but well-behaved family of weevils has mysteriously vanished into a black hole. I made the money back by dressing up in a monke...
No safe harbour for Gigaba
Dear Comrade Malusi Gigaba, Honourable Upstanding Member, Minister of Affairs, Fighter of Tourism, Epitome of Sartorial Elegance.
Congratulations on your spectacular cinematic debut, even though it...
Every night is fright night
It is Halloween on Wednesday and I, for one, cannot wait to put on my succubus suit and go creeping around the neighbourhood late at night banging on doors, shouting: “Trick or treat!”
The real spo...
Crime me a river
I went to a braai on Saturday night. It was either that or give heroin a try. The house was full of normal people with normal faces and normal jobs. I should have gone with the heroin.
Braais aren’...
To the Matric Class of 2018
Dear adultlings,
Congratulations on making it to the end of the beginning. Twelve years of being bullied, belittled and, in several thousand cases, banged up. A South African education prepares you...
A plague on the House of Sword
As the world now knows, journalist Jamal Kashoggi was tortured, murdered and dismembered inside the Saudi Arabian Consulate in Istanbul earlier this month. He was there to obtain a marriage license. I...
Application for the position of IT Chief Officer: SA Revenue Service
Dear Sir/Madam,
I greet you as Sir/Madam because I do no know if you are a Sir or a Madam or even a Sir as well as a Madam, like Caitlyn Jenner. I am simply covering all bases, as you would expect ...
Scam the Scammers
From: Hyundai Cars Company <info@hyundai.net>
To: bentrovato@mweb.com
Subject: You have won the Hyundai Company Award Funds
This is to inform you that you have been awarded 850,000.00 P...
Mea culpa, you a golfer
So, anyway. In February 2010, three months after I wrote my letter to Tiger Woods, he issued a televised statement apologising for his behaviour. I'm not saying this was in response to my letter, but ...