27
Oct
Enjoy Durbs not-by-the-sea
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By
Ben Trovato
The ANC in KwaZulu-Natal says Jacob Zuma will lead its campaign ahead of next year's general election. What a good idea. Durban is like one of those burned-out racehorses who break a leg and have to b...
19
May
ANC runs Durban – into the ground
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By
“Since 1994 the ANC has created close to eight million new jobs.” Who said this?
A pathological liar.
A man recently emerged from a long coma.
Cyril Ramaphosa.
All of the above.
Some ...
17
Jul
Hanging out with the Vervet underground
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By
I made the mistake of flying to Durban, unaware that schools, which mostly shield us from the awfulness of children, are closed. Every mall, beach and restaurant is infested with the feral savages. Mo...
18
Aug
Latest news from the ‘Just When You Thought It Couldn’t Get Any Weirder’ department.
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By
Beaches across South Africa were opened to the public today. In Cape Town, people swam in the sea. Not for very long, obviously, or they'd die of hypothermia.
In Durban ... ay, my bru. Durban ekse....
18
Jul
That time I did my bit for Mandela Day
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By
My contribution to Mandela Day 2022 is to repost this column I wrote a few years ago at a time when state hospitals were on their way to becoming full-blown disaster zones.
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29
Oct
Swallowing is good for you
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By
The European swallow stands about five-foot-six in its socks, burns easily in the sun and enjoys a pint or two with the lads. It is also a small migratory bird.
In our summer months, the European swal...
30
Jul
Cut me loose, mongoose
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By
The parking reserved for doctors was jammed with sparkly Mercs, BMWs and Audis. There was also a Toyota Corolla. Probably belonged to one of them Cuban doctors who come over here and take all our jobs...
15
May
To not swallow or split
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By
Last Wednesday was International Migratory Bird Day and I speak for the indigenous avian community when I say we're happy to see the back of those annoying ingrates. I have never seen such arrogance a...
05
Mar
Small change makes big trouble
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By
I've been wondering if xenophobia really is a phobia at all. I mean, it's nothing like arachnophobia, for instance. If it were, people who suffered from it would run screaming whenever they saw a Cong...
18
Jan
A licence to chill
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By
I try to avoid carrying a bulging wallet in my pants pocket in case a jumpy cop mistakes it for a gun and shoots me in the teeth. Or worse, a woman mistakes it for massive genitalia and tries to marry...
11
May
Tap-dancing gorillas and tenants from hell
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By
Did you know that gorillas make up "food songs" while they eat? A German scientist discovered this "fun new fact" while working with the primates in the Congo. I don't think it's a fun fact at all. I ...
03
Nov
Rent boy goes west
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By
Mosquitoes have begun sending out the recces early this year. They're coming in at high altitude late at night – not in packs, but in pairs. They split up once they've gained entrance to the bedroom. ...