South Africa – a nation of Brit-boeties, Boers, Bantu and other bliksems
South Africa has a long and proud history of democratic rule – along with other shining examples like Cuba, North Korea and the Mongol Empire.
Even though the Khoikhoi and San were taking decisions b...
Gettin’ me a little R&R
It wasn't long before I was convinced that Mkuze Game Reserve had no animals. Judging by the size of the staff, it was entirely possible that they had eaten the lot.
I went into a hide where a sectio...
Application to the SA Army: Training Programme
Dear Madam,
I am certain you are a madam because the army would never allow a man to open the mail. However, with this new-fangled, touchy-feely, homo-friendly vibe going around, you may wel...
A letter from South Africa – postal code 419
My dear respected Nigeria,
I came upon your good name in the newspapers and I hope you do not object me to approaching you with this information. I have the believe that you are a reputable and trust...
Buster Blood Vessel
Almost a year ago, I hired a bicycle and rode from Blue Lagoon to uShaka Marine World to investigate the state of the beachfront. I wrote a column about it. My body must have sensed that it was time f...
An open letter to Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni
Dear President Museveni, Supreme Ruler of the Pearl of Africa, Teacher of Lessons, Father of Children, Guardian of Public Morality and Confirmed Heterosexual for Life.
Congratulations on signing the ...
A Chinese lesbian is all I need
Like most people at this time of year, my thoughts have turned to how best I can help those less fortunate than myself.
No, they haven’t. They have turned to money. More specifically, why don’t I hav...
An inconvenient tooth
There are two things I fear most of all. Three, if you include cockroaches. What the hell, let’s throw in praying mantises and make it four. Heavy lifting rounds it off to five.
But all things consid...
An open letter to teachers
Dear Sir/Miss/Ma’am,
So you and the vicious little bastards have returned to do battle for another year. You have my sympathy. It can’t be easy. For a start, you have to put names to a whole bunch of...
A bad year to be in musth
When I heard this was the Year of the Horse, I immediately went out and bought one. No, of course I didn’t. If I could afford a horse, would I be writing this kind of rubbish for a living? Perhaps. I ...
The working class of 2013
So, kidults. It’s crunch time. School and you have parted ways. The decisions you have to make now are the easy ones. Later on in life, you will be faced with the really tough ones. Like, should I hav...
Helpful tips for job interviews
Matric students have come to the end of their school life and workers have come to the end of their contracts. Everyone in this country is either on contract or has a contract out on them. The only pe...