Ways to leave your lover (without going to jail)
It is not uncommon for a man to find himself in a situation where he has to get rid of a wife or girlfriend at short notice. There are several ways of accomplishing this. Personally, however, I wouldn...
Speed up or die
Happy International Day of the Older Person.
It's not today. It was sometime earlier in the week. I forget when, exactly. Wednesday, I think. Not being able to remember stuff is one of the side effec...
No woman, no slaai
The loss of life today is going to be quite spectacular, even by South African standards.
Thousands of pigs, sheep, goats, cows and chickens are right now fighting among themselves for the honour o...
Bravely entering virgin territory
I knew this assignment was going to be different the moment I got the call. “How would you like to join the King of the Zulus in ogling thirty thousand topless virgins?” I was packed in under ...
Beavers and headbutts
Last week I decided the mind was a lost cause, but the body was still in with a fighting chance. Acting on the assumption that transformation shouldn’t take more than one edition of Men’s Health, I pu...
Fat is the new thin
My mother always emphasised the importance of developing the mind. “Be careful what you put in it,” she would say. From a young age, it was my second favourite organ – of course I was going to...
Trannies without fannies
Men don’t really know how to celebrate Women’s Day without running the risk of being called patronising or sexist. All we can do, really, is dress up as a woman and feel what it’s like to walk in thei...
A letter to God
Dear God,
Sorry to bother you while you’re on holiday. I just felt like getting some stuff off my chest. I’m sure your in-box is stuffed with requests, complaints and demands going back hundreds of y...
Avoiding the matriarchal monsoon
The Mother City is a terrible place for a man to be during Women’s Month. Whenever it rains, the gutters run pink with oestrogen and the bars fill up with jackbooted lesbians. And there are still thre...
Of vigilantes and jogging
I find it difficult to focus on any one particular subject this week. For that, I blame the early onset of a mid-life crisis, Vladimir Putin, Israel, Facebook, Twitter and Windhoek lager.
My weekly d...
Lotto for the literate
A lot of people are asking me how they can get hold of my latest book without actually paying money for it. That’s just how they roll.
One of the ways is to enter a competition being run by the publi...
I have a bream …
I find it best not to move around too much in winter. Body heat and energy need to be conserved at all costs. Expeditions from my desk to the kitchen are fraught with danger. There’s a reason you don’...