Number One, your time is up
Dear Comrade Jacob Zuma, Prince of Patronage, Fighter of Crime Fighters, King of the Courts, Defender of Lawsuits, Ambassador of Appeals, Bête Noire of the Bench.
I get the feeling you might not be ar...
Amazing Grace
Dear Comrade Grace,
Congratulations on achieving what nobody else has been able to in 37 years – get Robert Mugabe to stand down. This is especially remarkable at a time when it was becoming increasin...
How to Stay Alive
Everything is going up, including the murder rate. But, at 74 violent deaths a day, the price of human life remains cheap. I thought now might be a good time to share a chapter from my book, Ben Trova...
Even the good times are bad
There was a knock on my front door on Wednesday morning. I opened it to find a matching pair of men in cheap suits standing on my Go Away mat with simulated smiles stuck on their stupid faces.
“Have ...
Cheap lies & dumb points
So here we are, clinging to shattered shards of hope trying desperately not to get swept away in the poisonous torrents of traducement that spew from the repulsive mouths of our lords of the lies and ...
Long haul to Bali
If you have to go to Bali at short notice but lack access to a high-powered boat fitted with supplementary vodka tanks, supersonic stabilisers and three depraved Scandinavian contortionists, you shoul...
Bell Pottinger – experts in reputation damagement
Dear Victoria Geoghegan, Doyenne of Public Relations, Lion of Bell Pottinger, Doctor of Spin and Master of Mass Distraction,
On behalf of all South Africans apart from those who hate you, allow me to ...
Trump scores own coal
Global warming could wipe out three quarters of all species. Is this really such a terrible thing? I wouldn't complain if climate change saw an end to, say, mosquitoes, hadedas and sharks. Or anything...
Dirty, rotten scoundrels
Lying is the new truth. Girls are the new boys. Dogs are the new cats. It occurs to me that I can write any gibberish and get away with it because nobody can tell the difference or perhaps even gives ...
A letter to our next president
Dear President Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma,
I wanted to be the first to congratulate you on your election to the highest office in the land. Please do not panic or consult a sangoma. I am not back from the...
The people shall govern – or at least boo those who do
I was hoping to make it onto the guest list for the World Economic Forum on Africa that was held in Durban last week but someone must've intercepted my invitation. One of David Mahlobo's spooks, I exp...
Vladimir, we're sorry
Dear Comrade Vladimir, Putin of all Putins, Ruler of Russia, Emperor of Eurasia, Capturer of Crimea, Nemesis of the Balkans, Vlad the Impala and Brightest Tsar of All, I throw my unworthy self at your...