The Battle of Bangui and other ANC Bungles
I've just read that the defence department has been ordered by a judge to release three internal reports on the “Battle of Bangui” – the country's worst military defeat since apartheid – in which 15 S...
Shady Jake, the one-eyed trouser snake
I thought I was hallucinating when I heard Jacob Zuma's uniquely soporific drone on the telly, bumbling along at his usual three words a minute and setting off polygraph machines across the country.
...
Of Stalingrad, Gaza and Floyd the Fluffer
I was wondering on Monday, my thinking day, why don't we have cheaper petrol since Big Oil is making record profits? Raking in millions of dollars in the time it took me to write that sentence. Then I...
Zuma – more cunning than linguist
On Saturday I made the terrible mistake of switching to the live stream of Jacob Zuma's so-called “address to the nation”, as touted by his obsequious handlanger, Jimmy Manyi.
It was excruciating w...
Well, that was a weird attempted coup
Halfway decent insurrectionists generally target government facilities and take over the state broadcaster. Ours targeted Shoprite and took over the bottle stores. Also, coup plotters usually rely on ...
A darkies’ guide to whiteys
White South Africans, much like white sharks, are one of the most misunderstood animals on the planet. They have a reputation for unpredictable behaviour and non-Caucasians are often afraid to venture...
Dear Jacob Zuma
I never thought I would write you another letter, and yet here we are again.
It is truly sad to see an innocent old man being so unjustly hounded by judges, magistrates, prosecutors, non-government...
Jacob Zuma – On The Run
I usually avoid watching the Zondo Commission because I find it triggering. Evidence leader Kate Hofmeyr reminds me of an Afrikaans girlfriend I once had who interrogated me relentlessly if I failed t...
RIP FW LMFAO
Now seems like a good a time as any to republish my February 2020 letter to FW de Klerk....
––––––
Dear FW,
Congratulations on officially achieving the rank of Most Hated Man in South Africa....
A requiem for Gavin Watson
The news that one of South Africa's best loved white-collar criminals has died in a car crash reminded me of a letter I wrote to him and his brothers earlier this year.
...............
Dear Gavi...
An open letter to our shiny new president
Dear Comrade Cyril Ramaphosa the First, Defeater of Zuma, Shuffler of Cabinets, Player of Golf, Shaker of Hands, King of Venda Financing, Stepfather of the Nation, I hereby greet you.
I wanted to be t...
Throw them to the lions
I was woken by church bells last Thursday morning. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue and the birds seemed happier than usual. I could hear the sound of children laughing. It felt as if I were livi...