No stress please, we're Zulu
A study done last year by Bloomberg found South Africa to be the second most stressed country out of 74 surveyed. The title is currently held by Nigeria. Anyone who has driven through Lagos will under...
Q&A with Jacob Zuma – from the archives
Here's an interview I did with Jacob Zuma in 2008.
Gel or soap
I’m not much of a gel man, myself. Gel can only prevent you from catching cancer and not much else. A bar of Lifebuoy, on the other hand,...
An open letter to Pastor Steven L Anderson
Dear Pastor
On behalf of all red-blooded, right-thinking heterosexual South African men, I would like to apologise for the appalling treatment meted out to you by the limp-wristed, cocktail-sucking pi...
We don't knead no edukayshun
I was delighted to see bits of the University of KwaZulu-Natal go up in flames last week.
It made me come over all schadenfreudy, largely because I never got the chance to go to university. None would...
Oil discovered in giant human well
In what has been described as a “miracle of staggering proportions”, vast untapped petroleum reserves have been discovered inside Khulubuse Zuma.
The businessman, a nephew of President Jacob Zuma, was...
Application for a position at South African Airways
Dear Biggles,
I stumbled across your advert quite literally. I was en route from the kitchen to the veranda with an adult beverage in hand when I tripped over the Sunday papers. The Bad Yellow-Eyed Wo...
We're the A Team – We don't need reserves
Next to beer, I think petrol is my most favourite liquid. You can huff it to get high, use it to make Molotov cocktails and put it in your car so you drive to the bottle store. Trained professionals a...
Annie Got Her Gun
I wanted to write about the recent dramatic developments on the local government front. I really did. It's got to be worth something, right? Stop me if you've heard this one. The DA, the ACDP, the UDM...
Licence of the lambs
I had a friend stay with me for a few days last week. I hadn't seen him in years. He hasn't aged much and weighs the same as he did when he was 21. I told him he probably had that weird disease where ...
A whitey’s guide for darkies
White South Africans, much like white sharks, are one of the most misunderstood animals on the planet. They have a reputation for unpredictable behaviour and non-Caucasians are often afraid to venture...
Tap-dancing gorillas and tenants from hell
Did you know that gorillas make up "food songs" while they eat? A German scientist discovered this "fun new fact" while working with the primates in the Congo. I don't think it's a fun fact at all. I ...
An open letter to Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula
Dear Comrade Fiks,
Well done on cracking down on sports that don't have enough darkies in their teams. This is Africa, not Scandinavia. Did you know that in some parts of Norway you aren't even allow...