Prophet and Loss
I feel sick when I think of all the people selling their icons for a bag of cash and a pound of power. More than 150 million plastic crucified Jesuses are pumped out each year. Cuba sells Che Guevara ...
High times in Hound City
I had my 21st birthday party at a club in Durban. I hired it for the night. It was dangerously cheap. I don’t remember the name. It was down a side street deep in the noxious belly of the beast. It wa...
Anarchy in the RSA
With polls due to open on Wednesday, election fever is reaching a crescendo. Bare-assed lying, bribery, coercion and threats of violence are witnessed every day. And that’s just in my house.
The situ...
South Africa – a nation of Brit-boeties, Boers, Bantu and other bliksems
South Africa has a long and proud history of democratic rule – along with other shining examples like Cuba, North Korea and the Mongol Empire.
Even though the Khoikhoi and San were taking decisions b...
Renewing my licence to loot
I was sitting in a bar the other day admiring how young and virile I looked in the photo on my driver's licence when I noticed that it had expired. In November. What's the point of having one of these...
Bring on the tokoloshe
Limpopo is one of those provinces where people believe that sleeping with a vulture’s head in your bed can make you see into the future. You can pick up a head for around R600 from your local muti mer...
Gang banging at Home Affairs
I can’t get out of Cape Town because I am wrapped in an electric blanket which is plugged into a 30m extension cord. It’s the only way I can leave the bed and get to the beer in the fridge without hyp...
Airplanes, Wedding Trains and the CAR
“If you love me, you will obey my commandments – John 14:15.”
And so it is with Trovato 07:45. Or, if I oversleep, 10:30. President Jacob Zuma is also big on this parable or homily or whatever the he...
Why Mickey Mouse Would Make A Better President Than Jacob Zuma
Mickey is black but he has a white face. This means he stands a good chance of being accepted across the racial spectrum.
Mickey is keenly aware of the importance of personal hygiene. For a start, yo...