BEN TROVATO

~ the literary equivalent of sex with a clown ~

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BEN TROVATO

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~ the literary equivalent of sex with a clown ~

18 Sep
Columns

Spank the pope

  • September 18, 2019
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 1 comment
And while we're on the subject of today's Constitutional Court ruling which once and for all outlaws the spanking of children by their parents, here's something I wrote four years ago. ...............

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19 Jan
Uncategorized

Jesus Christ Super Shopper

  • January 19, 2018
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 2 comments
With supermarkets busier than churches on a Sunday, the Church of England is marketing Jesus in the guise of a shopper to boost his appeal – Daily Mail “Excuse me, sir,” said the security guard at the...

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06 Dec
Uncategorized

A season for exchanging gifts and bodily fluids

  • December 6, 2016
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 12 comments
Bloody Christmas. Again. Squeaky little humanoid hamsters on a giant treadwheel in the sky. Round and round we go. Well, I've had enough. Stop this thing. I want to get off. Why the 25th of December, ...

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21 Dec
Uncategorized

Jingle Hells

  • December 21, 2015
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 14 comments
Jesus! The reason for the season. Happy birthday, dude. You're looking pretty damn good for a 2000-year-old white hippy with a Mexican name. There aren't too many kids born in a stable environment in...

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08 Nov
Uncategorized

Hairy lips, healthy balls

  • November 8, 2015
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 142 comments
You know who else liked moustaches? I'll tell you. Hitler. Stalin. Saddam. Gaddafi. Mussolini. That's who. And here we are, being bullied into growing fanny dusters fit only for tyrants. Movember my a...

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04 Oct
Uncategorized

Dear Saudi Arabia

  • October 4, 2015
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 5 comments
Congratulations on your decision to kill the Shiite boy who goes by the name Ali Mohammed al-Nimr. Teenagers are dreadful at the best of times, what with their sighing and eye-rolling and endless dema...

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16 Sep
Columns

God is a counter-evolutionary

  • September 16, 2015
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 6 comments
I don't know whether it was a dream or if I read it somewhere – I think I must have read it because I have lived in South Africa all my life and only have nightmares, not dreams – but I recall somethi...

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10 Sep
Columns

Do we panic now or later?

  • September 10, 2015
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 5 comments
I would like to commend America for alerting its citizens in South Africa to a possible terrorist attack on US interests in our magnificent country. It's important to take care of one's own. The warn...

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03 Apr
Columns

When Good Friday Turns Bad

  • April 3, 2015
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 3 comments
In keeping with the spirit of Easter, here's something I wrote a few years ago.   I was making an emergency house call on the Consort when I stumbled across a rapidly forming mob at the old har...

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29 Mar
Uncategorized

Burn, baby, burn!

  • March 29, 2015
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 34 comments
Apparently I'm going to hell.

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23 Mar
Uncategorized

No nudes is good nudes

  • March 23, 2015
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 6 comments
Dear Reverend Mike Effanga, I wish to applaud you on behalf of all right-wing, I beg your pardon, right-thinking South Africans for your efforts to stop those backsliding nudist barbarians from getti...

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15 Feb
Uncategorized

Who spanked Jesus?

  • February 15, 2015
  • By author-avatar Ben Trovato
  • 7 comments
  Dear Comrade Pope, You said the other day that it's okay to spank children as long as it's done with dignity. At first I thought, hmm, that isn't a very Christian thing to say. I mean, what h...

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