18
Sep
Spank the pope
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By
Ben Trovato
And while we're on the subject of today's Constitutional Court ruling which once and for all outlaws the spanking of children by their parents, here's something I wrote four years ago.
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19
Jan
Jesus Christ Super Shopper
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By
With supermarkets busier than churches on a Sunday, the Church of England is marketing Jesus in the guise of a shopper to boost his appeal – Daily Mail
“Excuse me, sir,” said the security guard at the...
06
Dec
A season for exchanging gifts and bodily fluids
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By
Bloody Christmas. Again. Squeaky little humanoid hamsters on a giant treadwheel in the sky. Round and round we go. Well, I've had enough. Stop this thing. I want to get off.
Why the 25th of December, ...
21
Dec
Jingle Hells
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By
Jesus!
The reason for the season. Happy birthday, dude. You're looking pretty damn good for a 2000-year-old white hippy with a Mexican name. There aren't too many kids born in a stable environment in...
08
Nov
Hairy lips, healthy balls
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By
You know who else liked moustaches? I'll tell you. Hitler. Stalin. Saddam. Gaddafi. Mussolini. That's who. And here we are, being bullied into growing fanny dusters fit only for tyrants. Movember my a...
04
Oct
Dear Saudi Arabia
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By
Congratulations on your decision to kill the Shiite boy who goes by the name Ali Mohammed al-Nimr. Teenagers are dreadful at the best of times, what with their sighing and eye-rolling and endless dema...
16
Sep
God is a counter-evolutionary
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By
I don't know whether it was a dream or if I read it somewhere – I think I must have read it because I have lived in South Africa all my life and only have nightmares, not dreams – but I recall somethi...
10
Sep
Do we panic now or later?
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By
I would like to commend America for alerting its citizens in South Africa to a possible terrorist attack on US interests in our magnificent country. It's important to take care of one's own.
The warn...
03
Apr
When Good Friday Turns Bad
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By
In keeping with the spirit of Easter, here's something I wrote a few years ago.
I was making an emergency house call on the Consort when I stumbled across a rapidly forming mob at the old har...
29
Mar
23
Mar
No nudes is good nudes
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By
Dear Reverend Mike Effanga,
I wish to applaud you on behalf of all right-wing, I beg your pardon, right-thinking South Africans for your efforts to stop those backsliding nudist barbarians from getti...
15
Feb
Who spanked Jesus?
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By
Dear Comrade Pope,
You said the other day that it's okay to spank children as long as it's done with dignity. At first I thought, hmm, that isn't a very Christian thing to say. I mean, what h...