How much for that Baby Jesus?
The best part of Christmas shopping is driving into one of those monstrously phallic parking garages and discovering that it ascends in tightly wound spirals. The secret lies in steadily increasing yo...
Number One, your time is up
Dear Comrade Jacob Zuma, Prince of Patronage, Fighter of Crime Fighters, King of the Courts, Defender of Lawsuits, Ambassador of Appeals, Bête Noire of the Bench.
I get the feeling you might not be ar...
The right honorable mentions the downright dishonorable
My vote in this weekend's ANC elective conference – not that I have one – goes to the Cyril Ramaphosa/Lindiwe Sisulu tag team. Not just because she's a political thoroughbred with looks to match, but ...
A pair of dogs is not a paradox
I got an email from Discovery Health this week. The subject line reads, “Ben, here's what you can look forward to in 2018!” Wait, don't tell me. Higher premiums? An increased reluctance on your part t...
It's that time of year when …
It's that time of year when boilerplate journalists stare out the window, sigh heavily and begin writing stuff that begins with “It's that time of year when ….”
Calling them journalists gives them mor...
One from the archives
I know it's a bit early for nostalgia, but here's a letter I wrote to the one-time lion of Africa eight years ago.
To: Zimbabwe President His Excellency Robert Mugabe
1 Feb. 2009
Dear Mr Presid...
Bitcoin se ma se blockchain
If you had bought R50 worth of bitcoin five years ago, you'd be worth R50-million today. You have read this sort of thing before. And it has left you crippled with self-loathing and regret.
You go to ...
Amazing Grace
Dear Comrade Grace,
Congratulations on achieving what nobody else has been able to in 37 years – get Robert Mugabe to stand down. This is especially remarkable at a time when it was becoming increasin...
The right to bare arms (and everything else)
Public Protector Busisiwe Mkhwebane has ruled against a proposed nudist-friendly beach on the KZN South Coast. As everyone knows, public nudity is a far greater threat to South Africa than, say, state...
A Letter to the Leader
Dear Comrade President Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma, Corrupter of the Weak, Don of Dubai, Capo dei Capi, Lord of the Beasts and the Fishes, Emperor of Nkandla.
Congratulations on still being on your feet...
How to Stay Alive
Everything is going up, including the murder rate. But, at 74 violent deaths a day, the price of human life remains cheap. I thought now might be a good time to share a chapter from my book, Ben Trova...
Swallowing is good for you
The European swallow stands about five-foot-six in its socks, burns easily in the sun and enjoys a pint or two with the lads. It is also a small migratory bird.
In our summer months, the European swal...